My husband (M39)and I (F37)have been married for 7 years. We have a 5 year old son. He also has a 9 year old son from his previous marriage.
My “best friend” (F36) confessed to me that she and my husband had an affair last year, that ended around Christmas time my 2023.
I had noticed some distance there on her part, but she always seemed to have what sounded like valid reasons. I definitely felt like something was different with her but I never assumed it was anything like this.We still talked and saw each other during the entire time that they were doing whatever they were doing together and since it all ended in December.
She told me now because she has confessed to her husband and she wanted me to hear it from her instead of him. She’s filing for a legal separation from her husband and in their long talk about their marriage and why this was happening, she confessed to the affair she had with my husband. During those conversations, I guess I made the mistake of telling her about the romantic things my husband still does for me and about how good he is in bed. And that’s the truth. I thought our relationship was great. I was, and frankly still am, in love with him. I never had any sense that he wasn’t attracted to me, was interested in other people, was cheating.
She said it started in October 2023 and it was “just sex.” I know she had been very dissatisfied with her own marriage and sex life with her husband because she had talked to me about it several times. At one point she was even considering divorcing her husband. She would always say she loved her husband and he was a good man, but their relationship lacked any sense of romance and he didn’t satisfy her sexually.
She said she found herself flirting with him at a CHILDRENS Halloween party in October. She felt very attracted to him and admitted she was jealous of what I had but never thought of pursuing him. Then after the party she decided to text my husband to ask for advice about her husband and their marriage. We’re all friends and we get along and normally I’d never feel weird about her texting my husband for a “man’s perspective” on anything. However, in this case I believe it was just her excuse to start texting him and talking about how dissatisfied she was.
She said the texts progressively got more and more inappropriate until they were sexting each other. She showed me parts of their texts conversation, but I didn’t want to look at it.
Eventually, they met up in the middle of the week day to have sex. She said they probably met up and had sex 20 or so times.
She claims they talked about it and both felt an extreme sense of guilt, so they mutually ended it around Christmas.
My husband is a really good looking guy. He’s a people person. His job sort of puts him in the public light here where we live. He’s known in our community. He’s out and about a lot because of that. It’s not strange for women to flirt with him and I’d say he is a flirty person, but somebody who definitely knew where to draw the line. Our sex life is great. We make time to do things together just the two of us. We definitely laugh way more than we argue. I just never thought he’d ever do this to me and with my supposed best friend of all people.
He’s away on a trip with his oldest son right now, just a short weekend trip. They get back tonight, in a few hours. She says she told her husband and I now because she knew he was away this weekend and this might give me time to process. How considerate of her to think of me now.
I feel like all of my insides have been ripped out. I feel completely empty inside, hollow.
I haven’t let on that I know anything. I’ve been “busy” most of the day when he’s texted. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get home.
I really don’t know what I’m going to say when he gets home. I’m picking them up from the airport in about 4 hours. I feel like I can’t move. My mind can’t even process everything I’ve been told. I’ve thrown up twice over it already. I’m absolutely devastated and don’t know how to go on.
I’m contemplating not telling him that I know anything yet and try to figure out what I’m going to do first. The only problem is, I don’t know if I can pretend like I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m not going to confront him or just completely lose my sh*t when I see him.
If you were me, what would your next move be? How would you handle things when your husband returned home?
Tl;dr My “best friend” confessed that she and my husband had an affair last year. My husband comes home from a trip tonight and I’m not sure how to handle things. I don’t know if I should try to pretend like I don’t know anything while I get my plans in order (if that’s even possible) or if I should talk to him about it immediately.