10yr relationship just friendship with shared bills?

Hey there – I’ve (32F) been with my other half (40M) almost 10 years and not sure if we need to be together anymore. We get along pretty well still and rarely fight (mainly snips at each other if anything). I’ve dealt with severe depression and anxiety the last few years with pockets of being good. He’s also had some of the same issues on a better-functioning level. I haven’t been working FT the last few years due to it and have been paying my half of bills+food without his help, and I know he still holds it against me somewhat.

The household chores are always challenging as he has ADHD (no meds) and I understand how that works to a degree so I don’t personally hold it against him. It still majorly affects my stress, especially when I don’t have much energy right now and get a glimpse of it to clean only to have him dirty it back up instantly. It doesn’t help we have messes from 4 (adorable) pets on top of it. My efforts are very rarely noticed, even before the mental health became a glaring issue.

So, what makes it absolutely feel more of a friendship is the absence of affection and intimacy. We were into it the first few years and it’s only been around 5 times a year ever since. It heavily weighs on my mental state consistently. He seemed to turn more asexual in part to life stressors and we’re child-free, therefore not wanting to risk babies. Aside from a good-bye/night kiss and sometimes hugs, nada.

Then, a couple weeks ago, after a movie and he was asleep, YT advertised mail order brides and it set off a true shitty feeling. I know how ads are targeted, while some are random, this was too off. I’ve never felt trust issues with him until this. After some searching, I found recent porn links in his history. And really, I wouldn’t care as much about it if we communicated and had our share together. It’s extremely hurtful for the amount of time I’ve experienced sexual frustration, being put on a shelf, and feeling like a placeholder. There were also some hidden posts that were from a time I had gained some weight and he has some internalized fatphobia – that was a total slam.

It’s all a lot to take in. He definitely has great qualities to him that I haven’t seen in another partner or potential person. We’re very loyal to each other and wouldn’t physically cheat, but you know. Where’s the line of being fine existing as is and where we truly need to hash it out?

TL;DR: Long-term relationship has waned into a friendship-leaning situation and lacks connection and intimacy. What’s worth feeling like a comfortable convenience and how to change the situation?