Sorry in advance. This is a long post.
I’m 23F and I’ve pretty much dealt with social anxiety my entire life. It has been getting a little better as I’ve gotten older, but I still feel like I’m at the bottom of the ladder.
I live with my mom and she’s pretty much the only person I converse with on a daily basis. She’s the only person who I feel I can talk freely with. There’s no walls up when I’m with her.
I have this one friend that I’ve known since middle school. Despite being on and off friends for many years, I struggle with letting my walls down with her. Whenever we do hang out, she pretty much talks majority of the time, while I sit back and listen. I can tell that she gets frustrated when I don’t speak up or talk about myself when we’re together, but she’s always been patient with me. We’ve recently started hanging out once/twice a month. We text maybe a couple times a week and never FaceTime or talk on the phone.
I spend most of my daily conversations listening to others speak. I have no issue with asking questions, looking engaged, and listening to others talk about themselves.. But when it’s my turn for input, I literally can’t say much. I panic, mind goes blank, I stutter, and my sentences become discombobulated.
I’m realizing why I’ve always felt distant from this friend. Why I always feel so unclose with her. I know pretty much everything about her life, but she barely knows anything about me. She’d ask about my life, but I can only give maybe 3 sentences. It’s just so hard to share. It’s not that I’m trying to be secretive, I just feel uncomfortable with the attention on me.
Even with everyone else, I can do small talk, but as a whole most people I interact with know nothing about me. Because I don’t share. I feel that it’s prevented me from developing close friendships throughout high school and college.
I’m saying all of this just to say that I want to learn how to talk more. I want to feel more comfortable with talking to people in general. Life is extremely lonely to the point where I just want to give up sometimes. I’ve been depressed before but I never want to ever feel that way again. But I feel myself slowly slipping back into that state.
I want to be better. Any advice on how I can practice this?
Also here’s more things I struggle with:
– Talking about myself
– Giving advice
– Explaining things and situations
– Telling stories
– Sharing my feelings or setting boundaries without getting emotional
– Being articulate with my words
– Or any parts of a conversation where I’d have to talk for more than 3 sentences at a time.