How do grown men cope with loneliness; whether you are coupled or not.

14 comments

1. Alcohol. It numbs the pain and comes in a variety of flavors.

2. I go for walks and long drives. I go out to dinner and people watch. I answer questions online. And I frequently talk to myself.

3. I am in an LDR. When I get down and lonely, I take pictures and/or videos to send her. They are NSFW, and it gets me a bit more upbeat. I know she likes getting them, so that helps too.

4. I game with my younger siblings, people think it’s cute we game as a family.

5. Driving, working out, going to random or familiar places, go out for myself to events, trying to read more often, music, finding really good movies/shows to watch. Hit up best friend without bugging him (he’s in a relationship), try to get some rest when body is definitely not energized, not rely on drugs or alcohol and/or keep it to a minimal. Go do some work or study in a social spot that is comfortable. Try to socialize in places I feel like my best self, reflect/meditate, avoid bad food/habits, cut people out who contribute to messing with my mental health. Get regular wellness check ups and therapy. Start writing things out so I don’t keep them in my head.

6. I like smoking a little weed and playing guitar. I get to put on headphones, plug my guitar into my audio interface, load up a great sounding plugin, and rock out. If I don’t have time for that I start to feel down. I’ll also sometimes play a pc game. Walks in the woods help too. Gotta start doing that more.

7. The answer is “badly”, I suppose. I tend to lean into escapist media like comic books, video games, anything to get me out of the here and now.

8. * Learn to be self-sufficient.

   I think this is the part that lonely people of all types don’t seem to grasp. They concentrate on what they’re missing and miss out on what they have. Emotional self-fulfillment isn’t easy, but it is worth it.

   * Embrace the connections you do have.

   Appreciate people for who they are, not for what they’re not. Do you have those few co-workers that aren’t the best of people but are fun happy-hour buddies? Embrace that. Do you have that distant family member that knows all your embarassing shit and doesn’t judge you? Reach out.

   People put too much emphasis on trying to find the perfect friends/partners that they miss out on the little things that everyone else has to offer.

   * Be proactive.

   This is the most annoying and unfair thing. Yes. It. Is. Unfair. Deal it with it! You have to put in the effort because everyone else is too busy. It’s okay, you’ll invite more than they do. Who cares? Put a little work in.

   * Mindless sex is better than no sex.

   I know women are going to disagree with me on this one, but that’s because they have the options even if they don’t like them. Having the choice is better than no choice. It wont’ fill that void, but it at least gives you that tiny bump of validation.

   Get on the apps, be up front but don’t be creepy, be direct but don’t be horny. Lower your standards a bit, no one is judging you. Go have fun. It’s better than no fun at all.

   * Embrace the **freedom**!

   Go to movies by yourself. Do all the things that if you get to the end of your life, you wish you had done more often. Just go to the beach by yourself. Go on a hike by yourself. Take vacations by yourself. Go with no plan, who cares? It’s just you. Enjoy your freedom!

   —

   Alone people love their freedom and their lives because they don’t worry about being alone, and as a result are in a much better position to be attractive to someone who will want them and then they won’t be alone.

   But also… Being single fucking rules.

9. Art is my go to. I really can draw or paint through the worst of times. I like it because I still can have pain and longing and my heart can hurt while sketching something. You need that to get through it. I don’t like masking it or pushing it down. I want it to work out through my tense hands drawing faces or figures or animals or whatever.

   Sometimes when it is really bad all you can do is breathe in and breathe out. Then do that again. Then again.

10. I have a very close friendship with a mate who lives 4 hours away, but is a lifelong bachelor. We talk 3-4 times a week, share memes and articles, visit when we can, and are about to launch a start-up together.

    Other than that, I participate in a bunch of stuff locally, that keeps me occupied a fair bit. I even have joined some groups specifically aimed at reducing loneliness in middle aged men.

    A lot of it is just keeping busy to distract from the loneliness. But much of it’s rewarding too, so I am not knocking it.

11. Self improvement and personal growth, in whatever form they may take.

    It both distracts you from loneliness while giving you hope for a brighter future.

    Better person = more opportunities to connect, I guess.

    …
    But of course on most days, I just game, like I’ve done for the past 26 years.

12. I have my fiancé who’ve I’ve been with for 8 years, but to avoid loneliness I have my online friends.

13. What you mean? I love to be alone, the peace and freedom that gives me is so great!

14. I learned to knit. It makes me happy