Do cheaters ever change?

8 comments

1. I personally believe that most people have the capacity to change for the better and reflect on their actions and work on themselves.

   However, I also believe that being in a relationship with someone who you know has cheated on you is very difficult and is unlikely to work out long-term because of the trust issues that come as a result of the cheating.

2. My experience is they definitely don’t change. Leave him. And as for saying it was purely physical down playing maybe.. He’s an arse hole.

3. People do change but the harder thing in these situations is your new perspective on him. Once the high emotions calm down and you find yourself in a quiet moment you might not be able to look at him the same way anymore.

4. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 7 years. In our 5th year of dating, I found out he was cheating on me (still swiping on tinder, texting other women, flirting, etc.) — it absolutely gutted me. We stayed together because he told me it was just an ego thing. He wanted to see if he still had game. *eye roll* Even though we are great now, I still have those little moments of doubt. It’s been hard working on getting past it, but it truly does mess with you emotionally for a long time. Personally, I would not recommend you stay with your boyfriend. I know that I did, but I would not recommend it. It’s best you just cut ties and find someone who won’t give you those worries of infidelity.

5. Redemption is a must for all of us else there’s be no incentive to improve.

   But being cheated on is a problem. If you take them back and forgive, that can, specifically on a subconscious level, be interpreted as acceptance of a certain behaviour.

   If you can genuinely forgive and not stress about it then it could work but as a rule of thumb, it’s best to leave a cheater and not look back.

6. A friend tried to forgive one, she said exactly the same ‘physical and would never do it again’. Not enough did it again and stil harasses him.

7. I do believe people can change, but your boyfriend is not giving me those vibes. He doesn’t sound remorseful, is giving a lame excuse for why it happened, and hasn’t provided any reason for why it would never happen again. What happens the next time he’s physically attracted to someone else? What prevents him from acting on it? He’s lacking boundaries and morals, so how does he plan on building those up while also rebuilding your trust in him??? You need to see action, not words. I don’t have much hope for him not cheating again, and considering your young age and the short duration of the relationship, I would advise you to get out rather than waste your life waiting to see if he changes or not. Odds are, he won’t.

8. Before I got married my fiancé was finishing college in another state and I kissed another girl. I felt so guilty I called her that night and told her what happened . It took me longer to forgive myself then it took her to forgive me.I told myself that I would never do that again. Fast forward to today, we’ve been married for 23 years. Everything was fine until our last child was born 15 years ago. Something changed in her and she decided that since we weren’t having anymore kids, we don’t need ti have a physical relationship. She said I could have sex with her once a month but had to wait until she was asleep and if I wanted anything other than that I should go find it elsewhere. I have tried having conversations to explain how that makes me feel and have made suggestions to try different positions and asked what she wants and she replied “ nothing, I’m tired of you sexually abusing me”. Whe. I asked what she was talking about she explained that I sexually abused her by suggesting we try something different. We have been to several marriage conferences which two ended with us in separate roomsI’ve asked her to do marriage counseling and she says she doesn’t need counseling because she doesn’t have a problem, I do. It’s been 15 years now and even after she told me to find sex elsewhere, I haven’t.