Agghhh…….
I (25 f) want to breakup with my (46 m) boyfriend. This is so hard for me, I love him a lot I truly do. But I’m just not happy anymore. It’s not the same. We don’t have much in common anymore. We’ve been dating & living together for a year now. He moved into my apartment.. (my name is the only one on the lease.) I know he doesn’t have anywhere to go except his mother’s couch. I don’t want to leave him with nothing but I don’t want to stay together because I don’t know what he’ll do. I know his hearts going to be shattered…. We’ve talked about our future and marriage for down the line. I don’t take any of that back I meant it when we talked about it but lately I just haven’t been feeling the same. I feel awful, I know him and this will lead into a huge fight and him not wanting to leave. Im scared to break his heart, im so awful at confrontation and hurting peoples feelings. I rather spare my feelings than hurt someone else’s. I just want to be able to be free again and live my life again. Any advice? I’m struggling bad over here. I know what I need to do but I don’t know how to go about it / actually do it. I have really bad anxiety also if you couldn’t tell 🙂
6 comments
Your boyfriend is almost 50 and has nowhere to go but his mother’s couch?
Kick him the fuck out and enjoy your freedom.
I don’t know how reactive he gets to bad news, but just by you saying “I don’t know what he’ll do” is giving me red flags. It’s clear that you’re not happy, and I agree that you should terminate the relationship to prevent further pain down the line. My advice is to MAYBE break up in public. I know, I know it sounds like a bad idea, but you did mention that he wouldn’t want to leave.
Another thing you could do is just honestly — rip the band aid off and do it. It’s not your responsibility to help your ex get through a break up. If you are worried for your safety, have someone you trust waiting in another room just in case things go south.
I’m not sure if what I said is much help, but hopefully it’ll get some more safe ideas spinning in your head.
He’s almost double your age! Take your stand and live free!
Google flexible boundaries and conflict resolution skills. The way you describe yourself sounds like your boundaries are TOO flexible (ignore yourself when others are in need) and that you try to avoid conflict.
And sure that can work for awhile, but do that too often in a relationship, one of two things happen. You either become codependent and ripe for emotional abuse or you lose interest in the relationship because it doesn’t feel fulfilling. And it seems like the second option fits your situation pretty accurately.
So why does this matter if you want to break up? first recognize that your feelings are JUST as important (not more important, not less important) as your partners and you need to treat them as such in order to have any long lasting relationship that fulfills you. From there you can then speak up for your needs (via better boundary and conflict resolution skills) and either see if that helps you feel more fulfilled in the relationship or use those new skills to break up in a way that still respects his feelings but also does a better job of respecting yours.
Good luck!
Troll post.
Breakups suck … no way to avoid how challenging it’s going to be. Just got to take a deep breath and go through with it. Don’t get caught into making concessions to keep the relationship going. Make a clean break and start rebuilding.