I (30sF) i’ve been mostly long-distance with my fiancé (30M) for about 2 1/2 years. We are finally getting married in the next few months but I am having a lot of last-minute doubts. He has a small group of friends that basically all enable each other. They get together once or twice a week and literally sit in a pub and binge drink for five or six hours each time. My fiancé will have easily 8 to 10 drinks or more at a time. We have argued about this so many times I can’t even count. I told him it is a dealbreaker for me because I grew up with an alcoholic parent and it caused me more trauma than I can even deal with now sometimes. He argues, gets defensive, says he doesn’t have an issue, blah blah blah. But I can see all of the red flags. He keeps saying when we finally move in he will change but I am not an idiot. I know how this pattern goes. His father is also an alcoholic and he definitely knows what it is like living in a house with someone so toxic. I flat out told him if he could not get his drinking together I would leave him. He keeps promising the world to me and telling me he loves me but he just goes right back to his drinking habits every time his friends call him up. I begged him to try and make new friends or at least do things that don’t involve alcohol with them and he will not change. He claims it’s just what guys do.
I really do not know what to do. I love him when he is sober but I just cannot walk into something that I know is going to fail and caused me more emotional pain. Is there some thing I can say or do to make him understand how serious I am? It really feels like drinking with his buddies is more important than all of these things I have expressed to him in the past and I am really emotionally drained from trying to get through to him. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
TLDR: My fiancé only hangs out with people who all enable each other to drink heavily and he has shown zero effort to change, even after I have told him it’s a dealbreaker for me. Seeking advice
EDIT: Wow, I posted this right before I went to bed and had no idea I was going to get so many replies overnight. I’ve got a busy day at work but I’m going to go through these at some point today. I really appreciate all your responses and taking the time to share your thoughts.