Things were seemingly going well with my boyfriend (33M) I’m (27F). We’ve been exclusive for going on 8 months. He’d recently opened up about feeling like I might cheat on him and it got me thinking, “why?” I’m very open with him if a guy hits on me, I’d rather him know I’m shutting it down than not know at all. Maybe it’s unnecessary – nevertheless, I went through his phone and found messages between him and a girl since October. On at least three occasions she sent him explicit content and he saved the videos. He mentioned once that he had a girlfriend, but continued to ask her “when’s the last time you had sex?” in the same message. In December he told her he would be back in his hometown for Christmas, when I was set to visit him there for new years. He says he didn’t see her. From what I’ve seen they don’t talk constantly it’s sporadically but it’s been going on the whole time we’ve been together.
We’ve talked a lot about not allowing people to come in & wanting to be open with each other if people try to interfere. We’ve also talked about this situation as I found this out 4 days ago but I don’t feel he is understanding the impact of this for me. He says it’s not that bad, he felt bad for her and was trying to help her start her, so he would watch and rate her videos, he’s hooked up with her prior to our relationship (2021) and had always allowed her to send him videos, he says he’s committed to me.
I’m just not sure, how I feel about this, information and would appreciate the male perspective.