I’m struggling to get along with people of my gender. I get along with females very well and have no problem with my dating life. When I interact with males I can’t seem to keep a flow and something just feels off vs my communication with females. I’ve had male friends throughout my life just wish I could sustain/make more. I think part of this stems from being raised by a single mother and my older sister. Any advice?
17 comments
If you have any men you know that you feel a semblance of trust for, tell them your situation. Most men are understanding and wouldn’t mind. You need to get the femininity out and embrace the masculinity buried within you.
The best I can tell you is to seek out less “masculine” men. Basically, men who are very open-minded and less stoic. Nerds, alternative guys, gay/bi guys… I have the same problem. I find that the easiest way to make friends is to stay friends with women I used to date. At work, I generally ended up gravitating toward the women. I would put genuine effort into connecting with men but we just didn’t vibe unless they were “weird” or we had a woman around to help.
If me and another man sit in a room for hours having a few beers and saying just a few words, it was a good night.
It’s sort of fucked situation unless you are forced to be around them for most days every week. Between the insecure/depressed guys and the arrogant/cold guys you really cannot win. Sure you can have the occasional conversation with another man, but it’s not going to be much more than that. So many guys of either side that I mentioned are spiteful of other men in one way or another. So much that sabotages a strong and true friendship from forming.
Don’t know where you stand on religion, but try this. Find a decent church and visit a local men’s small group. You don’t have to convert to Christianity or anything, but this is a place where guys will talk openly and be vulnerable. outside of Christian settings, there’s often a lot of proving/competition which some guys just can’t handle.
I don’t ever get the women, only dudes. So, tips to follow-
1. Act as if you have a lot of problems in life (exaggerate all of them in a funny manner) but be cool (showing you don’t care).
2. Don’t try too hard. You get along with guys by just being a guy. Just chill with him and that’s called getting along (You can talk about games/ movies/ Ass/ tits occasionally).
3. Last point, be 80% yourself and fake the 20% to make you look cooler.
Men are lonely. So, it should be pretty easy to get along with them. Don’t stress it out too much.
✌
Don’t act like a woman?
well what issues do you encounter specifically? what exposure due you have to men, i.e. where are you trying to hang out with them and do you know these dudes, what’s your temperament and language style.
Bro, keep it light and bro it up. Women get too deep into other peoples business. You need a dude bro hobby to keep a topic going. We’ll talk all day about intake or carb vacuum advance but we don’t want to hear shit about your feelings. You dig?
Ask them [if they saw that ludicrous display last night](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yN2H3–1aw)?
Get outside of your comfort zone. I love my wife with everything but she’s not and will never be a substitute for my best friends who are and will always be men.
bro you absolutely got this under control.
Women do tend to just become friends with anybody. It’s very easy for them to do that. they open up some emotions and time for you and you did the same for them. That’s why it’s easy to have female friendships. They have 1 million friends and they’re ever-changing, just like you probably have 1 million female friends that have been ever-changing throughout your lifetime.
some dudes are just hard to approach, not all of them. Find some dudes that have the same interests that you do or the same vocational interest that you do. And incrementally work towards the friendship, meaning that it’s gonna take time for them to trust you (and for you to trust them). You’re going to start off as strangers then you’re gonna move on into acquaintanceship and then you’re gonna move onto friendship and it’s that part you have to maintain and work on.
get comfortable with the idea that they’re not gonna be your best friend very quickly and open up to you about their deep thoughts very quickly like all the women did. It could take several weeks or months with guys.
you have a lot of experience dating women, a good way to make friends with guys is to talk about women. You have a lot of knowledge and wisdom about the ins and outs of the female anatomy as well as the female mindset. Use that wisdom to your advantage by applying it in conversations to corral men around you.
As a woman, I’m the same way but the extreme opposite. I went to an all girls school for the vast majority of my education. College was a slap in the face being around so many guys. I really only developed skills socially-inclined for women, and was practically wired to only interact with women. The only guys I had any sort of interaction with growing up were my dad, brother, my brother’s friends, and male coworkers. I just completed my freshman year of college and Ive only befriended 2 dudes. It’s rough but it’s best to just observe people first and then build way to socialize with them based on observations.
Dont feel bad, it seems to be a real issues especially as you get older. Other guys seem very hard to make friends with. Its like they dont really seem to care unless you have known them for years.
I try to make friends with other guys and they will often ghost me. Its quite strange and pretty annoying.
I can get along with anyone, but it’s easier to get along with women. It’s best to find a common ground and go from there. A lot of men talk about cars, sports, beer, guns, and their jobs. I don’t really have any of those interests. I like guitar, movies, comedians, philosophy/deep thought, and ideas. Being the funny guy kinda opens the door.. and a lot of people just want someone to listen and agree with them.
Not sure your age range but once guys get to their late 20s to early 30s they love passing on their knowledge. So the best approach is to ask a dude for advice on something he’s knowkedgeable and passionate about.
Example, if you walk into a gym and see two fit or muscular dudes in their 30s lifting together, and you walk up and ask for advice on what lifting techniques they perfer, more often than not they’ll happily give you advice.
Repeat that process each week and overtime they’ll get familiar with seeing you and you’ll become like a younger brother to them. That’ll inevitable develope into a friendship.
You can do that in any environment where men gather together and engage in a passion. It’s easier for men to make friends when their older cuz they stop viewing each other as competition.
Be patient and just spend time. Think of it like practicing. Find commonalities.
Appreciate the things you can’t express with women.
Eg you can’t be rough with them. You can do that with the bros.