Throwaway and fake names.
My sister Emma chose years ago to live thousands of miles from the family we have in this country (myself, my husband, my father and our other sister Grace). Emma occasionally comes to visit, but it’s usually on the way to see friends or do some other thing she cares more about e.g., climbing, hiking, holidaying etc. Otherwise, we go to her when we can.
For some current context, things have been tough for my husband and I lately. The family (I married into, but am very close to) has suffered a lot recently, including terminal illness and death. It’s been rough. I have been open with my nuclear family about what we’ve been through. On top of this, DH works very long, physically taxing hours. In his time off he is with his terminally ill parent, caring for them and spending time together. I also work around 50 hours a week. I do spend a lot of time with DH at his parents, I admit. But I love them dearly, they’re the best family in law you could ask for.
Now, Emma wants to come and stay with us for a month. We do have a positive relationship, but I’ve been required to look after her a lot of our adult life and she’s not always made the responsible choice. Our door is always open to family, but this is not exactly a good time for us. We are still grieving, and almost pre-grieving for my in-law, I suppose.
The two main issues if Emma comes to stay:
1. We would essentially be required to support her financially while she is here. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve helped her out in the past, she’s family after all. A month is an awfully long time though.
2. Emma is what’s known as “high-maintenance.” If she isn’t entertained and made a fuss of the entire time she will get emotional and will drop not so subtle hints that we don’t love her enough.
Our sister Grace (24) still lives with my dad, but she works full time and is never home. Grace and dad have both said that Emma is welcome to stay with them. Dad is especially wanting to spend time with Emma as she’s rarely here for more than 2 or 3 days at a time (sometimes years apart). Emma has said she’s not coming unless she can stay with me.
I don’t want to be the reason she doesn’t come, but my husband and I just don’t have the capacity to take her on for an extended period of time right now. I feel awful about considering telling her she can’t stay with us (at least not all the time she’s here) but I don’t really know what to do. Even if I was to tell her, what would I say? Have you all got any advice for me?