When we started dating we had some sex, but she, while not super religious, she is more traditional. She didn’t want to have sex before we got married. Even after I proposed (after dating 2 years) we didn’t have much sex. She stuck with the sex before marriage excuse. After getting married, the sex did not increase. She then had the not wanting to get pregnant excuse and hating condoms. Oh and the birth control messed with her sex drive (supposedly). After we had kids she didn’t want sex until I got a vasectomy. After that was, the sex did not increase. Now she doesn’t even bother with excuses. She just says no. Basically the only times we have had sex are when I annoy her into it. Birthday and anniversary sex aren’t even guaranteed.
Yes I’ve tried to be romantic. I’ve tried talking to her multiple times. I’ve tried everything except what I want to try. 12 years in I feel like I was tricked. I’m pissed off that my best sex years are behind me.
What do I want to try? I want to give her an ultimatum. I want to tell her I’m having a sex life whether she is involved or not and it’s up to her. I feel like I’ve been beyond patient for over a decade and she rolls her eyes every time I bring up the conversation. Maybe telling her that will actually trigger something in her brain about how serious I am. I don’t know.
The worst part is, other than our sex life, we get along great. I would have never married her though if I new this sex life was my future and I’m not going to deal with quarterly sex for the rest of my life.