Throughout my relationship (bit over a year) my partner (M22) has been asking me (F22) to swallow, and i told him the first time i’m not really into it (not judging anyone who is, just personally dont want to)
Yeah he never forced me, but he brought it up so many times, like after i give him head, or when we flirt, it almost feels pushy and inconsiderate. I made it clear im not into it but at some point i just played along or let it slide.
Rn we’re long distance so when we were flirting he said it again. I playfully replied that i find it weird. He went on. I asked why can’t he just respect it. And he just said “i do respect it. But you should listen to me more.” (Which he later said was just him playing along)
That’s when i actually got very frustrated. I got angry and started pointing out how it’s just, disrespectful.
He apologized, but am i wrong to expect something more of “I’m sorry, i can see that was a bit immature and inconsiderate of me, thanks for letting me know. I’ll make sure to never do that as i care fo make you feel comfortable and secure”
Instead he said sorry, but also “you could’ve just played along” or “it was just over text, we were just flirting”
I felt like he’s downplaying and doesn’t even realize what’s my problem so i got very emotional. To which he said later that i just killed the vibe. Like, HE said something during flirting that he should know by now turns me off. And I killed the vibe? I may have things he doesn’t like, such as “if you want me to treat you like a man then act like one” because he said i need to learn how to make a man feel secure. On top of that he made it about himself saying how i pushed him away sexually etc and i did all this over a text.
I genuinely feel regardless of context, even if you’re just flirting over text, is it not a bit inconsiderate to say things you know your partner isn’t into? Matter of fact if he respected it and was considerate enough to not being it up so often, i’d even maybe give it a try sooner or later.
It’s such a basic thing he failed to acknowledge, gave me a half assed sorry and saying things that prove he doesn’t understand what was my issue.
Honestly it wasn’t even that big or serious but what got to me as that (and its not the first time) he downplayed his disrespect and deflected it on me by saying stuff like, as a man its not nice to hear. Then he blamed me for my reaction and said so many horrible things which he thinks equates to whatever i said but i promise i never get so disrespectful.
Another thing is he doesn’t realize how this makes me insecure, because he said long ago that his ex used to swallow, so whenever he asks me to do it after i give him head – maybe im overthinking – just makes me think of some not nice things.
Am in the wrong for getting mad? Because he’s telling me i fucked up and i don’t realize what’s the problem. He says he apologized yeah, but he kept saying things like “you could’ve just played along” and “it was just flirting over text” (which proves to me he doesn’t understand what was my issue. How can i play along to something that should be clear by now is not my thing) and that i made him walk away from this. Just how is he the victim all of a sudden and i’m the one who fucked up, for what? For reacting to him downplaying his disrespect and not apologizing how he should have?
Ps. We are waiting till marriage, altho neither of us is virgin. It’s something i decided for myself a while before i met him due to my newfound spiritual/religious beliefs. He was very hesitant at first but i didn’t force him to wait. I just stated my boundary and relationship standard. Eventually he accepted it as he said our views “align.” However we understand it’s hard, and although we hadn’t had sex, we do “other” things (like head).