So my by(25M) and I (26F) have an 8 month old son who sleeps with us, so it’s been hard to go about being intimate. Even though that is the biggest challenge, I am very giving and always finding ways to get my boyfriend what he needs. I put the baby to sleep and end up giving my boyfriend oral so that we don’t make too much noise and wake the baby. However, he never returns the favor and when i bring it up he says, “well im just not good enough”. He’s talking about how I need more than penetration to reach an O. The fastest way to get me there is through Oral. But he never puts in the effort.
He might do it for 1 minute and then proceeds with penetration. But that hardly happens. I’m tired of bringing it up because it isn’t a nice conversation. He just gets upset and cops out with a dumb ass remark. If I’m telling him what I like, why does it turn into a petty part and poor him? I’m feeling very used and like I don’t want to be intimate anymore, because after all, it’s all about him.
I asked him to return the favor and he said “what time is it?”. It was like 10:30pm. He works the morning shift, but still. If you don’t have time for me, don’t ask me to do anything for you. Am I wrong? What should I do? I feel like doing it to him. Making him get me off and then just lay down to go to sleep. See how he feels.
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Stop blowing him and getting him off. Tell him he doesn’t get that until he helps you orgasm.
that’s cruel and heartless… using you for sex and not returning the favor. i feel it’s sort of an emotional/sexual abuse. treating you as a prostitute and for nothing in return. doesn’t care how you feel or if your sexually satisfied. i would definitely cut him off and see what might change. or you could just protest and tell him how you feel about this situation… it’s not fair one bit! they don’t change to be quite honest. actually they get worse. I’ve been dealing with a narcissist abuser for many years and i regret all the kind things I’ve done for my abuser. it bothers me so bad and have a lot of anger from it… as far as sleeping with your baby, i slept with all 3 babies of mine and never hurt one of them while co-sleeping. take care!
This suck, and I’m sorry. If you’ve already tried to communicate how this makes you feel and been brushed off, it sounds like there’s no reasoning with him. I’m not usually one to recommend fighting fire with fire but I’d say that might be the only way to get through to him that this is an issue you won’t just push aside. Why should he get to keep getting off if you’re not?
Unfortunately if he’s not going to change and you stay with him, reading from your comments, it’s going to be a horrible relationship for you and your child.
I’ve seen many relationships go through this.
You shouldn’t be miserable and it would be better for your child to have a happy mum even if you had to bring him up alone which I’m sure you won’t do as you’ll find a better man in the future who will care for you and your child.
My bf and I are both 26 and our daughter just turned 3. Oral has always been a sore spot as he always said he didn’t like to do it. Then we discovered flavored lube! I asked him if he would just try it one time and he said he actually enjoyed it. This was only a couple of weeks ago and I wish I had thought of it years ago! Now he says any time I take a shower and he has that lube he’ll go down on me. Based on your other comments it’s entirely possible he’s just selfish and immature and there’s no winning here, but I thought I would offer the solution that has worked for us
Best way to reach orgasm is through the G spot, which he can reach by rubbing against the roof of your pussy’s insides in a way that what’s going in is essentially trying to touch your belly button, but from the inside. Basically have him push against the parts of your pussy closest to your outer stomach skin when penetrating to hit the G spot. It’s hard for me to explain without giving a visual reference, but that entire road is a really easy for you to reach multiple orgasms with very little effort on his end, and can be done with either penetration or fingering.
EDIT: Grammar
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He is selfish. He needs to give you oral on a regular basis.
Dump him lol
Nah but for real he needs to shape up and put in the effort. If he won’t, then a tough decision will need to be made. We all have needs in relationships and you don’t have to settle for selfishness.
Typical Reddit reactionaries. Listen, you need to bring it up outside the bedroom. Tell him “Hey, I need to talk to you. I need more out of our sex life. It’s been forever since you got me off and it is something that’s important to me. When you don’t make time to pleasure me it makes me feel unwanted.” If your husband is worth a damn, he’ll hear this without whining and work with you to find a solution.
> When I was pregnant, he ate me out very often and it was awesome.
Assuming you gave birth the standard way, perhaps the thought of a baby being pushed through there has put him off, people can be queasy about certain things. If you’ve gone into detail about things maybe he needs time to readjust or get over it.
Besides that, he seems to have a lame attitude and goes for the self pity rather than trying to talk through it properly.
Going tit for tat isn’t great for relationships, telling him you’re feeling used first, if there’s no change then do what you think is fair/right.
Stop having sex with him. He knows what he is doing and choosing to do it. Ready yourself to leave and after you heal find a giving partner.