Wife having dinner with old friend she slept with

25 comments

1. > But as a guy, I know we are wired differently and it’s almost impossible to NOT be thinking about sex when you’re having dinner with someone you’ve slept with in the past.

   uhhhhhhhhhh speak for yourself bro but that seems to be kind of your personal mindset. you’ve MET tom and his wife, you KNOW they slept together, you KNOW they’re going to dinner. If your wife were going to fuck this dude I doubt you’d know any of this. honestly I think you should actually ponder if you’re feeling a little insecure these days for any reason.

2. I have “caught up” with many people who I’ve had sex with in the past and I’m here to say you absolutely can meet and chat and catch up without thinking about sex or trying to bang the person you used to bang years ago.

   If you trust her, you trust her. Doesn’t matter what his intentions or motivations might be.

3. This would be a big no from me. My wife also wouldn’t approve of my doing this with an old lover.

   I think if I were in your shoes I’d tell her she can only go if you get confirmation from his wife that she’s been made aware of their history.

4. Why else would a guy with a wife and kids go out on this date? Working full time and now my only day off is spent on a date??? If he hasn’t already, he’s trying to plow your wife, and she’s inviting it.

5. I trust my wife not to go on dates with former lovers. It’s not even a possibility in my world. Good luck buddy.

6. The history is sleeping together twice, who knows how long ago They’ve known each other since high school and are now mid 30s and OP and wife are married for over 10 years. In the great scheme of things this is nothing. Especially since they all know each other.

7. INFO: How do you know his wife doesn’t know? And does the guy know that you know? Does his wife know about the dinner?

   This a concern.

8. Ummm no … lunch? Coffee? Maybe.. but why the need to meet up for a dinner to catch up. You can say hello to people on Facebook and catch up just fine. Very weird. And his wife doesn’t know?! No… your wife should be uncomfortable meeting up with him if his own wife isn’t aware of their past. Puts her in a bad situation… it’s secret for a reason.
   And why alone? If you all went out to dinner together yes.. but your wife is going on a date! Call it like it is. It’s a date.

9. Every relationship has their own dynamics. What works for you must not be true for anyone else and vice versa. Some people explicitly don’t want to know about the sexual past of their spouses – which is absolutely ok.

   As long as you don’t think that this Tom would try to do something against the will of your wife I don’t see any reason why they shouldn’t meet up for dinner since you say that you absolutely trust your wife.

10. I think the fact he hasn’t told his wife is the biggest issue here. I have a couple guy friends who I’ve had sex with back when I was a teenager/early 20s and I don’t look at them like that at all. Pretty much it was just a drunken thing and mentally I’m a completely different person than who slept with them. With that said, if it is something that bothers you then your wife should respect that.

11. I really hate when us guys get the whole if you’re confident or not jealous than this wouldn’t be a problem. I think the matter is it varys between couples and that’s it’s personal. For me though, im very careful with blurring the lines and where boundaries are. To avoid this type of stuff and out of respect for wife (in the past has usually ended up leading someone on and crazy girl problems) I think personally it’s a f no. Even though sometimes people can not think about sex and when hanging with there exs. It goes back to what’s ok for you as a couple, and your standing on what’s ok with where the f that line is bro. I think there’s a certain morale, your married you don’t go on 1 on 1 dinners the end, why cause no matter what luxury is for my wife. It’s a rather intimate setting, and if his wife doesn’t know then that’s a red flag in his character. Don’t ignore them people brush off things and if your feeling uncomfortable. Which you already are by making this post. Well fkk so fairly so, don’t result in a bunch of Reddit users to validate the way you feel. Because what you feel is valid. It’s different for each and everyone in the comments. I’d tell your misso it doesn’t sit right with you. She’s a keeper if she can respect that and not flip the jealous card and see with reason. I mean what’s important you the husband or the fuking x root if you can’t be open and honest then why you pick this girl to marry? You got this.

12. Why is she entertaining the idea of going to dinner with this guy? Why not make it a double date? Way to many lose ends! I won’t be comfortable with this situation, is not about been jealous is about respect for my partner.

13. Double date sure but them two going alone is a bit weird.

14. I’d say hell no.

    I’d tell the other wife and I’d say you aren’t hanging out and “catching up” with someone you used to have sex with and be in a relationship with.

    It is just normal, everyday boundaries. “Trust” her? I don’t care. I don’t care if they don’t have sex. There are a lot of things I’m not ok with my wife doing that are outside the realm of having sex or not. My boundaries go a little further than as long as you don’t have sex then I’m fine with you doing anything else with some other guy no matter what.

    I’m her husband. I’m her man. She’s my girl. Hanging out and talking to and keeping in regular contact with or going out to dinners alone with ex lovers is just a No-No.

    I’d be incredulous that she would even propose it. Absolutely not, how can you even ask me about you still hanging out and spending bonding time with an ex lover. No way.

    Relationships run into less problems and issues and misunderstandings if they just have better boundaries.

    Good job giving them the chance to start bonding with each other and forming feelings and connections. That’s what lax boundaries gets you.

15. Would Tom’s wife be okay with him going to dinner with your wife if she knew they had banged in the past?

16. Guessing Toms wife would have some issues here if she knew the past. If she knew this would be stopped ASAP. Why do guys fall for this? There is a reason he hasnt told her. They could catch up at OPs house or at Starbucks. You all have met as couples and now they are going on a date alone? In likely an intimate setting with alcohol?. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. OP, go along or call bullshit on this. Also, have you seen any of the messaging between them.

17. I think you should not worry about this if you trust her completely….. yes I agree and understand what you must be going through but I have seen people being loyal to their partner and keeping their past things besides and meeting them casually.

18. Fuc* Toms Wife?

    gimme – karma lets go

19. Tell Tom to let his wife know. I am sure she would not let him go to dinner. My wife just wouldn’t go to dinner w any prev partner

20. Your wife is going on a date with her ex. That’s what this is.

    Trust me, man. This is just going to cause drama. He’s lying to his wife, and soon your wife will start lying to you.

    You’re just condoning the end of your own marriage here.

21. Different people have different things that work for them, OP. I feel you should have discussed this with your wife because now people are calling you jealous or untrusting for having preferences in a relationship. Your feelings matter here. If it makes you uncomfy, tell her and work through it. Just because some dudes on Reddit told you it should be fine doesn’t mean you should just suck it up.

22. You may be ok with this but you might not want to be. It’s never a good plan once married to be alone with someone who you’ve been naked with before.

23. My (35f) boyfriend (31m) is best friends with his ex girlfriend from his early twenties. It hasn’t been easy for me, especially since I found out he had fallen in love with her after they dated and while he was in a committed relationship with his most recent ex … in addition to me having an anxious attachment style and growing up with a dad who was constantly cheating on my mom.

    I’ve been working through it. My fears sometimes catch me, but at the end of the day, I’m choosing to be with this person and so I have to trust him-otherwise, it would be too toxic of a relationship. Also, I want him to have good friends outside of our relationship- it just so happens that this one has a romantic history.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that matters of the heart are strange and sometimes there are questionable gaps of information etc, but you just have to focus on yourself and trust your life decisions. That dude can have whatever desires he wants of your wife, but you trust her and she is with you, not him.

    Wishing you peace of mind and a healthy marriage. 💜

24. To be perfectly honest, I see no problem with this whatsoever.

    It is a *little* shady that Tom hasn’t told his wife that he slept with this friend twice 10+ years ago, but you don’t really know what’s going on with that, it’s very likely that he thinks was so long ago it doesn’t need to be said and will cause unnecessary drama.

    You already said that you are positive your wife won’t cheat, you have met this guy and his wife, everyone involved is happily married with kids, she told you honestly about the plan and their history, and frankly, their history sounds like… a lot of nothing. They slept together twice, over 10 years ago? That’s not even a relationship.

    Sometimes we meet people and find out that they are better friends than lovers. It sounds to me like your wife made a friend years ago, they tried sleeping together, and decided the other person might still be worth knowing even if they aren’t a match.

    If she was hanging out with him alone all the time or sending him tons of private text messages, I would definitely be concerned, but from what you’ve described it really just sounds like dinner between friends.

25. I agree. I don’t think your wife understands, but I think the dude is “testing the waters”.