need some advice wether or not to say goodbye to a old lover.
So a long story.
A old lover came back recently.
For context she is in a relationship for a year and a bit.
We used to be old colleagues kept in contact after we both left the job.
Always had a very special bond with each other. I cringe from saying it but it was soulmate like.
She always was madly in love with me.
But due to childhood trauma of my own I never gave myself the love and self sabotaged and always gave her a bit of a feeling I did not want her even though I was madly in love aswell.
She used to be in a lot of relationships aswell in the meantime so the timing was never there.
It never really happened.
Until we met up about 2 years ago.
We promised we would meet up to catch up about everything.
A lot of feelings came up. We kissed we talked etc.
It was in a period of my life I was a bit down and ill a lot.
So I didn’t have the best energy.
On the walk to drop her back home.
I was tired. She felt like I gave her the vibe I did not want her.
The next day I confessed how crazy I was about her.
But she didn’t wanna believe me.
She went on to date someone else.
We had some slight contact in between but nothing much more of a how’s it going and thats it.
About a month ago she contacted me again. Usually I was the one that catched up with her. But the last time I did it felt so cold I tought well I will never speak to her again I guess.
So yeah there she was.
Asking how it was going but actually interested. She said she was thinking about me that day. Which was funny because that morning I was really missing her and felt like I will never speak to her again I guess.
We talked a bit and eventually something came up you never really liked me huh? Just friend right?
I said I don’t know what happened back then.
She went to sleep And I texted her and confessed everything.
How madly in love I was how much I regretted my avoidant behaviour.
She was shocked and all her feelings came back.
She didn’t know what to say.
We talked again like the old days.
It was really the person I knew again.
All my feeling came up again aswell.
After a emotional week with a lot of talking she came to the conclussion that she was in a stable relationship and it felt like emotionally cheating.
She is going off the anti conception because they might going be going for children she said so why throw it all away.
So we let it go even though and stopped talking like we used to give a spot and heal.
It broke my heart I don’t know about hers.
So yesterday I catched up with her. Stupid mistake I know.
We had a small chat about life.
And she asked if It’s alright for me to talk to her because I struggle with this a lot and she knows.
I told her I don’t know.
She said I don’t think you want us to be friends but we can still chat every now and then to just ask how’s it going.
So here comes my need for advice.
She is in a healthy relationship and won’t leave.
For me to keep hope and wait is not really healthy for me it’s just messes me up.
And the change she will actually come and leave her relationship is not there I guess.
I have all these questions. Why did she catch up with me. It’s a sign she wants me bla bla bla.
But this is nothing more than just wishfull thinking.
Should I say goodbye to her.
Give it a spot for myself to heal and let it go even though it will break my heart.
Or use the frog in the pan analogy. Just put the frog in the pan with cold water and heat it up until it dies instead of throwing it in boiling water.
Just don’t talk to her. No reaching out anymore until it dies off.
Only thing though you will keep hope falsely and feels like to me it will keep my from fully accepting and letting go.
Advice is very welcome.
Sorry for the long story.
I’m just a mess really.