My boyfriend and I have been together for **2 years** at this point. We met in our Engineering Statics class, he was a transfer student and I was new to the major so we got along really well. Although this post is about fighting with him, I am very much in love with him.
We are about to graduate now, and his schedule is a lot lighter than mine. He also has a lab assistant work-study job, but he barely goes these days since its the end of the year. He has virtually no exams to study for. Honestly from an outside perspective we are kind of losers: we’re both nerds, he is overweight and doesn’t have true friends that care for him at this college, but he’s a savant when it comes to cars and kind of loud, awkward and sweet; I found that really attractive. But these days, he’s pretty idle and lazy, stays in his room all the time, plays racing games all day. He even moved the monitor to the floor so he could lay on our futon and play games instead of sitting in the dorm chair. I’ve been doing *wife duties* even though we’re not married (yet) like washing the clothes, taking out the trash, folding all of his laundry, even signing him up for his dermatologist appointment.
I know the honeymoon stage is over. I live with him in his dorm room behind my parent’s back (they’re strict), and recently my work has picked up so I’ve been using the study rooms with one of my friends from my class, and he’s met her many times before and he’s cool with her. But every time I get stressed out from studying, he starts getting upset over nothing. He’s always asking “Are you mad at me?” and I always answer no (coz I’m not) and he’s like “then what’s with your attitude”. I always always always tell him that it’s just school stressing me out (because it is).
Earlier today we even fought over something stupid. I was trying to show him a TikTok i found funny by flipping my phone screen to him, and he asks why I haven’t looked at the TikTok’s he sent me. I tell him that it’s because all those TikToks he sent were those that we looked at when we were next to each other and I already saw them. But then it escalates because he says “Why do you have that attitude, why are you mad,” and then I tell him that I’m not and that I just answered his question. It starts to get worse, we’re yelling at each other, and he says something about how he feels like he gives me more than I give him. In the end I just have to leave the room because there’s no way anything I say is going to get to him. The frequency of these stupid fights have been increasing quite a lot (nearing 5 stupid fights a week). He always says that he asks me if I’m mad because of “trauma,” but honestly it just feels like a lousy excuse to make an accusation. Even if I tell him that I’m not mad at him, he still thinks I am.
I’m (almost) an engineer. I have a short and blunt way of speech, and it becomes especially prevalent when I’m upset. If he yells at me I do know I yell back. But we’ve been at this for two years (that’s three finals weeks we’ve been through) and frankly I’m so shook he hasn’t understood me and the fact that he accuses me of being mad is appalling and makes my stress and upset-ness even worse.
These days I think more and more about what is going wrong in this relationship. I want to know what is wrong because I really do love him and I want to work this out, but I don’t know what to do. I can’t be a doting “motherly love” “oh my precious baby everything is gonna be okay” type woman when I’m being accused of being mad all the fucking time.
Any suggestions on what I should do? Is this normal behavior after 2 years? Any input is much appreciated, thanks.
**TL!DR; My boyfriend and I have been fighting over him accusing me of being mad at him and he doesn’t understand me after 2 years of dating and I’m losing hope.**