I was tidying our wardrobe today & getting rid of old shoe boxes when I came across a letter addressed to my bf (27M) the letter was opened and inside was a credit card,
still attached to the letter with a limit of over £6,000. The letter is dated from February, my bf never mentioned this to me, probably important to note we own the house together & have a joint mortgage. I do earn a lot more than my partner but I can’t understand why he would hide this from me. The card is still attached to the letter so I am unsure if it has been used online or not. How do I approach this?
31 comments
I would say pretty much exactly what you said here. “Hey SO I was cleaning out our wardrobe and I found this. Is this yours?”
Make sure not to come across as accusatory in your initial conversation and see how he reacts
I think even he forgot about it due to some reason
since it’s attached to the letter, he probably just opened the package to check if it’s there and kept it inside only to forget about it
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takecare
“Hey honey I found this while cleaning today. Whats up with it? Have you used it?” Something along those lines.
“Hey I just found this. What is it for?”
It would be awkward if he was planning or surprising you with a trip or a gift and found out you’re opening his mail.
…by saying everything you just said but to him. Seriously, what’s the worst case scenario here with a credit card still attached to the paper? People forget, no big deal.
Has no one else just been sent credit cards theyve been “approved for” and dont use?
From no one commenting on that im wondering if thats not normal 😅
It doesn’t sound like such big a deal, so I feel like we’re missing info. Is there any reason why he might be onto something sketchy? Could this mean something else? Is he really forgetful? Planning something? With the info we have is too hard to tell, just talk to him
Maybe he got it in anticipation of buying you something like an engagement ring? My husband and I share all our finances (and a credit card account). He got another card to buy me an expensive anniversary ring and paid it off out of his salary, I never even knew about it until well afterwards.
I don’t think it is a huge deal. I think the bigger issue is that with your income differences, he may not be able to afford your current lifestyle and you need to adjust accordingly. To me, that is the discussion I would have. As a guy, I don’t think women understand how much of a financial burden dating can be for a guy.
I have 6 credit cards and use only 2 of them. Rest just sit in my drawer in their envelopes lmaoo.
Well , good option – he was planning a surprise and wanted you not to know charges. Like a ring.
bad option – he has some double life ideas and again, needs you not to see charges.
Since you not married and finances not combined, you are not responsible for his debt, so I would let it be for a while, especially if you think option 1 is more likely 🙂 If you concerned – bring it up.
Leave it alone. It’s probably for a ring.
It could be something as simple as he would applied for it somewhere to get something free and had no intentions of using it so rather than cancel it, he just put it away. Or it could be worse. But a conversation non-accusatory starts the dialogue.
I’m going to suggest a different approach. Insofar as everybody should review their credit report at least once a year, I suggest that you convince your partner to spend an evening going over each other’s credit reports to make sure they’re not a victim of identity theft, etc. This card should appear on your partner’s report. You can ask him about it at that point.
Even if you don’t take this approach, you ought to be reviewing your credit report just to make sure there are no surprises.
No big deal. You’re overthinking this. Just ask.
Girl, when I left my ex I found out he’d been taking out credit cards and maxing them out. All I got in our divorce was 15 grand of his debt.
Very possible that this is nothing more than an “in case of emergency” credit card that has been made purposefully difficult to access so that he’s not tempted to use it for non-emergency situations.
So just ask.
it is possible he forgot about it. heck, i forgot to cash some checks that was sent to me for overpayment on the escrow of something….
tell him the truth, you were tidying your wardrobe and found them… then decide if it make sense or not.
I don’t think this is anything too serious. The card’s not been used, and in fact your bf hasn’t even bothered to put it in his wallet. Most likely thing is he’s just been issued with a card for some reason, and hasn’t even thought about it. (Note that credit card issuers will sometimes issue short-dated cards “on spec”, particularly if they’re consumer finance companies or second tier banks who’ve had access to the user’s credit history. It hasn’t happened to me, but it happened to my father a couple of times.)
I’ve done this. Get sent either a replacement card and forget to replace it. Or get a new card but don’t NEED it so I place it aside and forget about it. Granted, I have plenty of credit cards with low to zero balance.
I have a credit card like this –
When I opened up my bank account they had some kind of promotion where you get benefits if you open up a credit card with that bank also. (I honestly don’t remember what those benefits even were now)
I didn’t want another credit card so when it came in the mail I just stuck it in a drawer, still in the envelope and stuck to the paper it comes with
Can’t cancel it but don’t have to use it.
If you’re really worried he’s hiding something call the number on the back and check the balance. You should be able to do this quickly through the phone system and just typing in the card #. If it’s zero or the cards not even activated you know it’s just junk he stuck in the drawer.
He isn’t planning a surprise is he?
I don’t see the problem here? It’s not being used for harmful things and it wasn’t signed up with your information. Seems like you were being nosy and came across something that isn’t your concern?
Listen, I don’t know the status of your relationship and certainly don’t mean to put ideas into your head, however, putting myself in your BFs shoes for a moment, the only time I’ve ‘hidden’ financial things from my wife was when I was ring shopping and planning to propose. I’m not saying that’s the case here, but it strikes me as a distinct possibility.
After she said yes and had some time to enjoy the high of our new engagement, I did tell her about the extra CC so we could decide a wedding budget with full financial transparency. But had she snooped during the ~6month period I was shopping and planning the proposal, she’d have likely found similarly ‘incriminating’ things stashed.
Just my two cents.
Is it financing for something? If he couldnt afford to buy a big purchase most low or 0% financing comes thru as an actual credit card. I have a hot tub thats thru a credit card with a limit for slightly over the amount.
It’s a credit card, not a subscription to Escorts R us. I literally have opened multiple without talking to my wife and she doe the same.
If I were to do this I would have just stashed it some where for later keeping if I do need it down the line.
I can only surmise that he doesnt want to tell you he received a credit card of $6000 limit so that no one is tempted to use it. Seeing as its still in the letter.
I mean, you’re not married so you kind of don’t have a right to say anything about it. He might have it as a backup in case of emergencies. A lot of people have something like that. The real question is, why do you care and why do you assume it’s your business when you’re not married?
Maybe he was starting to have money problems.
Hmm…. what is the problem here–besides you reading his mail? How often are women encouraged to have a stash of money just in case things go south with their husbands?