I (20M) feel like I’m spiraling because of these people I know that I thought were my friends (other males). They seem nice every time I talk to them. They smile, they wave, they respond to my texts sometimes, and they make me feel good after talking with them.
But for some reason, I feel like it’s fake. We used to talk more and hang out a bit, but not so much anymore. An incident occurred that caused me to stop talking to one of the main individuals in November. Long story short, I made a mistake, he got mad, I tried to apologize, and I tried to take responsibility but I couldn’t fix the situation. This caused me to lose my chances to be around the others because I no longer had as many opportunities to be around them.
I thought I found my people with them. I thought they actually liked me and were okay to include me in things. I never met people who were so nice and friendly before. But I can’t tell if it was all real. They seem nice in the moment, but then go off and do something unintentionally that hurts my feelings.
Why would they invite me to some things and exclude me from most other things? Why did they let join things? Why do I feel like an outcast when I have been trying hard to get closer? Why are they not even putting effort into trying to be my friend? Was everything meaningless, and I was too stupid to realize it? Why do I feel so mistreated when they are nice upfront?