We’ve been dating for three months. Overall things are great between us but the one thing that bothers me is that he lasts too long. He has problems with finishing and it usually takes him 40+ minutes. Which at first was great but now not only is it slightly annoying sometimes it’s painful because after so much time I’m extremely exhausted. He says he’s always had that problem and no matter what technique, hand, oral or penetration it always takes so long. I don’t know if anyone has been in a similar situation and has any ideas on how to maybe shorten that time
37 comments
Have you tried prostate stimulation?
Well I can tell you that asking him to hurry up will have the opposite effect.
It is what it is. We’re all different. Some people finish really fast, some people slower. Could depend on many things, from nervousness and insecurities, to the fact that he might just be like that.
Growing up, and having more partners, you’ll come to understand that 40 mins isn’t a whole lot as well. If it causes a “friction issue” for you, lube up.
Did he try to see an urologist?
That could be a start. Also, few years ago i was told by a friend who had the same problem because of his porn addiction. He tried to edge himself by not cumming each time he masturbated. He told me it worked so I guess he could try that?
Get yourself some lube. This guy is a stud
God i wish i had that problem
Don’t believe him, when he says it’s not possible. Do some research on techniques. The internet is your friend. Try new things, be playful. But most of all, have a serious conversation about it, in a safe space. Agree ahead of time that you’ll both hear the other one out, and try in good faith to work through the issues. If you guys can’t have a conversation like that, three months in, that’s a bad sign. Good luck!
Make sure you stop having penetrative sex as soon as it starts to get uncomfortable for you. At that point he needs to switch his attention to you. It’s ok for him to finish himself off if you’re exhausted and tired. You don’t owe him an orgasm.
Is he making you orgasm or is it all focused on him?
Does the dude jerk off a lot? No joke he might be used to masturbating too much to not be akin to the real thing.
I’m not sure he’s the one with the issue here.
Sounds like he’s got the death grip. Tell him to stop wanking for a month and see if it improves. If he’s always wanked a lot he will of always had this problem
My bf does that too it takes that guy a century to ejaculate. He did go out of town for a week and when he came back he did cum quick. He was around family so he never had time to jerk off. My bf told me he takes long bc he’s always jerked off and that it was even like this for his ex’s
possibly porn addiction ?
I had the same “problem” with my ex during the first months. We were veeeeery active and even for him it was 40+mins, sometimes more than an hour. Even though I enjoyed it a lot, I was always sore and hurting and it became an issue, physically. I also talked to my gynaecologist who actually said “well, 1 hour of sex daily, frankly what do you expect, of course it will hurt at some point, your body is not a machine”. He gave me tons of lubes and other stuff to help with the soreness and I just lived with it. Lube became my best friend, I used to put it before and during the act, even if I didn’t feel I needed it, but I knew that in the end it would have helped a lot. And it does! Maybe you can talk with your gynaecologist to ask for advice? At least for the “soreness” part this may help.
For the fact that it gets annoying… If I had to search for a “magic trick” to shorten this time instantly I would say that prostate stimulation in his case did the trick. But in general in my case, as our relationship progressed, he was more relaxed and at ease with me, we discovered what set him off more easily and he became more flexible and able to shorten that time if we felt like it. Just the fact of sharing a deeper connection helped a lot, but it took some time (5-6 months maybe).
Hey there, I’m currently using my husbands account, he has the same problem, the sex is amazing but sometimes I just want a quickie…. try different positions, took us about 6 months to find the right one, now I can get off and so can he within 10-15 minutes (and yes I definitely enjoy it)
I had the exact issue (me being the guy). Masturbation was the issue
Opiates can delay ejaculation to the point of needing 40+minutes. At the worst of my addiction I was unable to finish at all. I don’t say he is an addict, it’s just a possibility.
Porn will do that
Tell him to stop jerking off and put a finger in his ass to stimulate his prostate lol
I saw a post that alot of things can cause that in a man like stress , being distracted, overthinking , anxiety, etc
Is he on medication of any kind? A lot antidepressants will delay or inhibit orgasm.
Maybe he’s on antidepressants
i would investigate a porn addiction… either that or it could most definitely be any medication he’s taking.
Sounds like he doesn’t know what works for him either. Has he always had this issue? I am pretty similar to this myself and it’s combination of factors. I require knowing someone and a connection to finish and it can still be difficult to finish. The other forms of stimulation are what did it for me, it’s unfortunate that prostate is a hard no for ya. Excessive masturbation could also play a role so could be worth asking about as well but very well could be something else. Definitely need to have a conversation with him.
He is choking his goose to hard, he should lay of the masturbation for about a month. I had the same issue,now I cum when I want
I’m a guy and I have this issue. When my gf and I first started dating I would finish maybe 60%-75% of the time and an average session would be close to an hour.After over a year and a half that number is closer to 90% of the time, with average time being 15-30minutes. At first it was frustrating and confusing. But rather than let that issue become a problem we talked about it.
She worried that it was because of her, which it absolutely was not. The problem laid entirely with me and was a combination of factors. First off I was always nervous when we had sex, I hadn’t been in a relationship in over a decade and regular sex was kind of new again. Those nerves played a big role in my delayed orgasms. Secondly was after being single for a decade I was used to porn and masturbation. I wasn’t addicted to porn but that’s all I really knew, so I stopped looking at porn.
Guaranteed he’s super into you and this is weighing heavily on him as well. My guess would be that he has trouble being in the moment and is in his head during sex. Give him time, talk to him about it but don’t place blame or make him feel less than. Build him up instead and of knocking him down. If you’re into him and the sex is otherwise good then stick with it. Eventually he’ll stop being so anxious and learn to enjoy and be in the moment, it may take time but it’ll happen.
I have struggled with this issue my whole life, from when I lost my virginity at 21. Now that I am older, a lot of times I never get an orgasm at all, I just get tired and stop. Part of the issue is that being circumcised, as it reduces the sensitivity of the penis. Part of the issue is masturbation, as I have always had a high drive and so was getting used to the increased sensation of a hand vs a V. Part of the issue was that I have always had an issue with blood flow to the penis as I have a severe over reaction to stress stimulus (Basically, when exercising, scared, nervous, or stressed, my penis overreacts and tightens down to the point it turns cold and goes numb). Here is what I did to fix it:
1. Stopped masturbation. This allows for some sensitivity to increase over time
2. There are penis friendly lotions that can rehydrate your penis and help restore sensitivity
3. I now take a low dose of Cialis (Tadalifil) that has completely reversed my “nervous penis”. Lots of good blood flow now.
I understand that the last one is a me problem as I have never met anyone else who has admitted to something similar, but the other two will help.
Seconding all the too much masturbation/porn comments. Death grip has been mentioned but also some men hump the bed, which is too dissimilar from a vagina & can cause this difficulty. I think there is a website called Healthy Strokes or something that talks about masturbation techniques that are most similar to the feeling of a vagina.
Mindfulness exercises can help his anxiety & help him focus, too.
My ex had this issue as well because he smoked too much weed…
You’re not hitting his kink. He may not even know what it is. Experiment and watch porn or something.
When you’re aroused and doing what you like it can be real fast for both men and women. I’ve had this problem with women I didn’t actually like, or when I wasn’t being satisfied sexually.
Or he may just be lacking sensitivity. If he’s circumcised and wears rough fabrics he may be desensitized.
I’m a 21M, I last about 30 mins so not too far off your bf. For me personally I know the issue, I masturbate roughly 4/5 times a week, before I was in a relationship with my current gf(21) I didn’t think it was an issue. She doesn’t mind how long I last but there’s been a few times it’s taken too long and I’ve had to call it a night because I can tell she’s had enough. Masturbating too much can cause “death grip”, when your used to a specific motion or friction that you can’t get from sexual intercourse. I’ve noticed it, and I’m now on the road of masturbating a lot less to help improve me finishing quicker. Ask him how often he masturbates, chances are he’ll actually tell you a lower number than he does because he might feel ashamed of it (that’s my case anyways). Ask him to look into masturbating less as it might make him feel more of a sensation when he’s with you.
There are gels and creams you can get which will deaden the feeling in the penis (which would make him last longer, so not what you are looking for); but there are also creams that can heighten the sensation a bit which will might put him off totally, or they might do what they are intended to do – make him finish quicker.
If your town has a shop that specializes in sex toys, they should be able to advise further, though.
Does he consume cannabis regularly? I find when I am high I last much longer
Why not just sit down and have a dialogue with him. Ask him what will help him finish. Is it the lack of lubrication? Does he need a cock ring? More stimulation? Porn on the TV? If its performance anxiety?
Maybe you all can solve it together. Sex is a journey thats best talked amongst the two of you to discover what works best and hearing probable solutions straight from the horses mouth is possibly thebbest route.
I have personal experience with this (25M) Plenty of times in my life I have taken too long to cum, not always but many times. With my current girlfriend it varied, sometimes it was a normal time and sometimes it took way too long. I also couldn’t cum from a blowjob, only sex and very occasionally a handjob. When I stopped masturbating this changed dramatically. I could cum from sex within minutes, even if we had sex an hour or 2 before. I could also now cum from blowjobs (with some effort and build up) and cum easily from handjobs. I think this change was both physical and mental effects of masturbation. Physical being that the penis gets very used to a specific stimulation/motion etc that the hand gives and becomes accustomed to that. The mental side being that porn is a completely different mental stimulant to real life sex, it overloads your brain with dopamine and you are fantasising over different genres/women/body types all for one orgasm. This over exposure I think desensitises the brain from sex and intimacy. My personal experience is that stopping masturbating literally reset my penis to how it’s supposed to be. This is all irrelevant if he doesn’t masturbate, but if he does then stopping could be a definite game changer
Even me as an female can jump on this train that porn + masturbation makes it harder to get an orgasm over time and experienced the same with males I’m been with. Cold turkey stop and let it be for a while.
If that isn’t his case and he isn’t on medication that makes it harder he probably should see a doctor.
I understand it irritates you, I prefer short good energetic sex then forever going, I get bored ^^ and when the mind gets bored the body just not having it after a while.
I mean, i have had this issue before as a man. Try some lubes that increase sensitivity or other things of that sort. Also try having him stick a vibrator on his dick. It feels extremely good, and got my 45+ min ass to bust 1 min in.
Dont take it personally. Our duration is tied heavily in emotions outside of sex.
If he has ADHD, this is not uncommon. Both the actual condition and the medication to treat it can cause that. Or, it might be nerve related. After I was in an accident and hurt my back, I find that under 30 minutes isn’t really possible about 90% of the time, because my sensation is reduced. So, there are actual physiological reasons why this can happen.