I am someone who does not consider myself a people pleaser at all. I am very strong-willed, independent, and know who I am and who I want to be around. But I struggle so much in relationships with people pleasers. They are the people that have hurt me the most in life.
I think that since I am so strong-willed, I have a tendency to accidentally push boundaries (something I am working on) and with people pleasers they make no effort to even try and set boundaries, so I can end up hurting them without even knowing I did. And it’s the worst feeling in the world. I want to be a good friend and respect my friends’ boundaries, but it’s hard to do when those boundaries are never communicated. And then when I cross lines, the people pleasers just build resentment towards me quietly and I can’t do anything to make things right because I don’t know that I have been doing anything wrong. And it’s just incredibly frustrating. I don’t want to be hurting my friends, but it feels inevitable when my friends don’t speak up when I push a line or hurt them in some way. And it sucks.
It also just feels shitty to know that they don’t trust me enough to share their true feelings or hurts with me. I want to be a safe person, and I’ve even communicated this stuff with people pleasers I’m friends with, but it doesn’t seem to work. I don’t know how to make good friends because it seems like it’s impossible to find people who will actually share how they feel with me and call me out when I need it. I don’t know how to fix these relationships or how to make my people pleasing friends feel safe enough to advocate for themselves when they are around me. So if anyone has advice on how to cope with people pleasers, lmk
TL:DR: people pleasers don’t set boundaries, I cross them unintentionally, they build resentment towards me that feels out of my control, and relationships crumble. How do I navigate relationships with people pleasers so this doesn’t happen?