I don’t have a lot of friends. I’ve had a lot of people tell me that they feel like I’m not being myself and I’m just taking the attitude of the room.
Problem is… I’ve got ADHD. I spend 99% of conversations trying to make sure my voice isn’t too loud. I’m not making eye contact for too long and I am breaking eye contact once per sentence. I don’t go on a rant about things I’m interested in. I’m nodding and thinking about what the correct facial expression is. It’s kind of exhausting.
But when I don’t do all this… I’m too weird. Too loud. People will ask me if I’m high.
When I do all this? I’m forced. Inauthentic. It seems like I’m hiding something.
How do you win? How do you be yourself when nobody likes what you actually are?