Hi guys. My friend and I are going through a rough patch. She feels I overshare and overstep emotional boundaries. I want to respect that going forward, and she wants to know how I am. So she’ll ask how are you. The problem is, if I answer honestly she gets upset at me for doing nothing but complaining and oversharing. But if I just do a vague all good, she knows I’m lying and is upset for my lack of honesty. It’s kind of a no win situation. I’m her friend, but she’s not in a place to be mine. But I don’t know how to tell if she’s in a place on any given day for an honest answer or not. And if I say “do you want me to answer honestly?” She’ll say of course even if that’s not true. So how can I tell if someone is in a place for an honest answer without asking outright and putting them in a bad spot, and how do I answer someone who says they’re my friend in a way that’s honest but also… not. Cos I feel like that’s the only way for us to stay friends, is for her to think she’s my friend and for me to just accept that I can’t ever rely on her to be ever again.
Addendum: also, how does one reconcile themselves to the fact that they can never again trust the one person who they once trusted more than anyone in the world? Cos every time I think about this whole thing I just sink deeper and deeper into a depressive funk. They think they’re still my friend, but the fact of the matter is they will never be in a place to actually listen to me. And if they are, they will later resent me for it anyway. So there’s really no point. I miss them desperately but I can never be honest with them again. And honesty is such a foundation of our friendship- to not be honest seems like a betrayal. But also to be honest I’d also a betrayal.