why does going “Dutch” on a first date give a bad impression?

26 comments

1. Personally I always ask to split the bill, and then when it actually arrives say ‘actually it’s my treat’ or ‘you can get the next one’ or similar.

   I mainly just want to test their reaction to offering to split because I don’t want to date someone who isn’t willing to pay their own way.

2. I’m Dutch and I never heard this was a thing before🤣

3. It seems to mostly be Americans that have an issue with it and they are rather… old-fashioned.

4. What is going dutch even mean?

5. It doesn’t does it? Personally i think it gives a bad impression if she doesn’t at least offer to split the bill.

6. I dont think it should anymore. Women want equality so this is it honey, or you should have her pay.

7. Its fine. I can understand why there may be many reasons

8. Enjoy Saturday nights alone my stingy-ass bitches

9. > Why with so many men it’s seen as a poor sign

   Are you serious? It’s a women problem. Women have a problem with it. Women say this often and loudly.

10. I’m married now but when I was single, how much money a woman had, her education and accomplishments had 0 relevance to whether I’m attracted to her or would date her. They still don’t, at all. Virtue, class, femininity and desire for motherhood were the only requisites. I don’t know where women got the idea men care, we don’t; not in the it’s a deal breaker if she’s not independent, doesn’t have a university education or any of that stuff.

11. In most cases it means “This isn’t going to work and I end things here”.

12. Generally if you ask someone out on a date, you should pay. Being that men generally are the ones asking the women out they end up paying.

    That being said I generally say a women loses points if she doesn’t at least attempt to reach for her wallet.

13. It does not leave a bad first impression at all. Just the opposite. If a woman insists on paying her half on a first date that’s a very good indicator that she’s not an ass.

14. Your question is qualified with an incorrect assumption. You can absolutely split the bill, or pay for your own food/drinks on a first date without giving a bad impression. The waiter at our favorite restaurant used to rib my wife and I about it when we were dating. “Together, but separate.” he’d say. That was about it.

15. I don’t see it as a bad impression at all.

    If anything, I expect an adult to show up prepared to cover their own costs at any given event unless expressly discussed, or established by nature of the existing relationship.

    Paying for your own shit is a big green flag IMO.

    I don’t know why my sexual orientation would matter for this, but I am bi. I’d feel the same about a guy showing up and paying their own bill.

16. Fuck that noise. Who on earth pays for a first date.

17. It hasn’t been a problem for me. I go halves on pretty much all of my first dates, and it’s never been an issue. But I also tend to date liberal, feminist-minded women in the big city. Might not go over as well with other people in other other places.

18. I don’t mind paying but I’ve had women on a few dates who offered/insisted on paying for their half. I’m ok with that but the confidence displayed when a woman just does it without fanfare is pretty stimulating intellectually. It lets me know that it’s not the main concern and shows she’s there to get to know me on her own terms. Confident women are very attractive. Recently I was on a second date and she excused herself to the restroom, then came back to the table and said, “I paid the bill. Want to get out of here and go someplace we can talk?”
    What a rush…

19. I prefer going **British**. Colonise , loot , plunder and bring everything back to my home as museum pieces ; things which she owns.

20. When I date a woman with a manager position and loads of cash that whines about feminism from beginning to end you damn well believe I’m going dutch.

    ( source: a couple of dates that went like this, ofcourse the woman was insulted )

    This hypocritical horseshit has to stop.

21. I don’t see any reason not to want to split the bill on the first date. It’s not like she’s trading sex for food. Most first dates don’t go anywhere, so getting separate bills seems quite reasonable. After several dates you can take turns paying if it’s easier. Or if one person’s income is significantly higher they may choose to pick up more of the expense of going out so not to burden the other person and still go out often. But yeah, first date I would definitely prefer to go dutch.

22. What do we want – Equality
    Whendo we want it – Only when it benefits us

23. It depends on the person, but often, when you expect the other person to apy their share even when you initiated the date it makes it more an interview and very transactional.

24. I don’t know, it mostly seems like women have an issue with this, not men. For me the opposite gives a bad impression. These days most men and women are financially secure and can pay their own half of the bill. If a woman doesn’t even offer to pay her half but just expects me to pay she’s likely not getting another date. I can do without that entitlement.

25. Because she’s an ass and judges him for not paying for everything.

26. I an heterosexual and it always impresses me when a woman does so.