So for the past 3 years or so I’ve been in a relationship with someone who has Bipolar Depression, and he has had his fair share of episodes, but I’ve been there for him and helped him through. Partially due to this stuff though, he’s had a hard time maintaining a job and has also become somewhat dependant on me for money, rides, etc. He doesn’t have a car and has no real savings, so his part time job isn’t making him enough.
That all being said, I had initially planned to take the time after college to build up savings and make a big move to pursue acting. A year after graduation, I lost my job and lost most of my savings, so for the last year I’ve had a hard time getting back to where I was, in part because I’m also providing for him (but I am guilty of using him as an excuse to buy food). I also have a hard time caring for myself and keeping myself motivated, so caring for him has made it hard to put myself first. There have been a good amount of times that I’ve missed work, or had to help him over the phone while shooting a film, or etc. I often feel like an emotional support animal.
Anyway, we both have to find new housing situations, and he went through an extreme episode because his roommates and other people he asked said they couldn’t room with him (he perceived it as nobody wanting to deal with him). I told him I wasn’t sure if we could live together and had to figure stuff out. He was horribly inconsolable, but also didn’t want to talk to any crisis line. He talked about plans to kill himself in like a couple months, but since I promised him I wouldn’t let him be homeless, he has been doing better.
I need to figure out my housing situation very soon, but I have no idea what to do. I want to make the big move to LA or NYC, but I don’t know if I have enough time to plan that, or if i have my life/savings together enough for that, but this has been a cycle foe the last 3 years. I am scared to break up with him because I really feel like I’m all he has left, or at least that’s how he feels. He refuses to move back home because he would be far from his friends, and refuses to find a stranger to room with because of previous trauma I believe? And he’s scared to reach out to/rely on friends because he lost a good amount of friends because of how he responds to his mental illness.
All of this maybe makes him sound malicious but I don’t think he consciously tries to manipulate people, even if he inadvertently does a little. His roommate confronted him about how he sort of guilts people with his freakouts, but now he has used that as another reason he’s worthless and should kill himself.
I just don’t know what to do. I honestly have wanted to leave for a while for various different reasons, but I guess I’m scared of how he’ll survive and also of losing friends/connections through him. As stupid as it is, I’m in a few D&D campaigns with him and that is a major factor in me wanting to stay.
I guess I know I need to break up I just don’t know when or how. I had been planning to when he was more settled and on his feet but he hasn’t been able to get there yet. But I can’t live with him knowing how I feel. Should I break it off now and how can I make sure he’ll be okay?
TLDR: My boyfriend of ~3 years has been relying on me both emotionally and sometimes monetarily and wants to move in together. I think I want to break up but I don’t know how or when, especially because he has had suicidal tendencies.