This is inspired by the post about husband’s red flags

What would you say are absolutely necessary qualities in a partner besides good communications skills

And what are the traits that possibly indicate they will be awful partners in the future?

Am interested in both the obvious and subtle signs

8 comments

  2. Personally, my worst partners were clingy and jealous. If I see signs of that early on, Im out.

    Just realized I didnt add a positive trait. The ability to handle conflicts or disagreements calmly. If you need space to cool off, take it. But we should be able to address things and resolve them amicably.

  3. For me, the ability and willingness to compromise is really important. Commitment to the relationship is also key

  4. Green flags: willing to admit when they are wrong and apologize.

    Red flags: won’t do anything unless told to do it.

    If you have to *tell* them to pick up after themselves, do the dishes, walk the dog, etc they are *not* a partner. You become their parent, and then you begin to lose attraction to them.

    And if they don’t pull their weight in the relationship do *not* expect them to suddenly “grow up” if you have a baby. They won’t.

  5. I think you should be considering general character. Morals, values, loyalty, sense of humor, ambitions, empathy, intelligence, etc. Red flags are just signs that there is a possible character flaw.

  6. Jealousy is a huge one as well as too much reliance on you. I once had an ex that said he would be “so lost that he would become homeless” without me – and he was crying at the time, so he was definitely being serious.

    Another one is inability to keep/get a job. It may sound materialistic, but it’s more than that. If someone jumps around and can’t hold down any type of job, it shows immaturity and lack of perseverance. And don’t let them blame it on mental health – I had undiagnosed autism and ADHD my until my 30s and was still able to show up to work on time.

  7. when I was dating, I didn’t continue dating someone if:

    * my gut felt off.
    * they had a problem with my friendships with my male friends
    * if they treated others rudely ie. servers, cab drivers, the general public
    * they littered and didn’t care
    * they were controlling or inconsiderate
    * they expected their mom to do everything for them
    * had no ambition/didn’t have a good job
    * how they argued. If they were open to compromise, that’s a good thing. If they score-kept, stonewalled, gaslighted etc, nope.

  8. If you constantly have to ask for sex while dating, it’s not gonna get better married.

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