Once again, I’m coming to Reddit for help …
I’ve been dating this guy for around six weeks. We met on an app but have a mutual friend too. The first few dates were so much fun, honestly the best dates I’ve been on! I stayed at his place last week and everything was looking good, I was starting to really like him.
I noticed though that he’s really slow to reply to messages. No big deal, he has a busy job and drives a lot, so he can’t always be on his phone. He has clients calling him all day too and doesn’t have a separate work phone. He said once that in the evenings when he finishes work he doesn’t like to be on his phone a lot because he gets constant calls and messages throughout the day from clients etc. That all makes perfect sense to me.
I was at his place last night and I noticed we perhaps had a little less to talk about. But I didn’t think too much of it. Last night we couldn’t have sex for reasons that don’t matter but I told him I’d be keen soon. So today I messaged him about 5.45pm pretty bluntly seeing if he wanted to tonight. No reply. He had been online but I can’t tell if he’s read it, I don’t think he has read receipts on.
This man gives nothing away in person. I honestly can’t tell what he’s thinking at all. We have so much fun and he’s obviously allowed me to stay at his place, I was trying not to over think but now the lack of response has made me feel pretty embarrassed!
Imo if you’re not a texter, that’s okay, but I think you then have to be quite clear in some other way, in person for example, how you’re feeling. Because right now I don’t have a clue where I stand and I’m feeling a bit humiliated. I don’t think he’s the type to ghost.
It’s only been six weeks, I don’t need him to tell me anything major, I just want some insight as to how he’s feeling because this man should be a professional poker player – absolutely nothing is coming across what so ever!
I’m a big believer in love languages and mine is physical touch, but admittedly, only when I’ve got to know someone well and feel really comfortable with them. We’re definitely speaking different languages, or perhaps he’s not even speaking at all!
How can I broach this while still being super laid back and chill all the damn time so as not to scare him off ? But also standing up for myself and making it clear that I don’t want to waste time investing energy in someone that’s not going to fulfil my needs?
UPDATE!
Thanks to all those who replied, this sub is so helpful for just seeing things how they are, even if the advice can be brutal! But I needed it!
He has now replied, apologising and blaming it on work. He’s asked if I’m free over the weekend.
Honestly I like him a lot but like, this isn’t it for me. Like many of you pointed out, I was afraid to have this conversation when I’m entitled to know where I stand. And that’s all I’m asking really, I don’t need any major plot developments. So I’ve told him the one night I’m free over the weekend and then I’m pulling back a little. He can take it or leave it. If he’s interested then he knows how to get in touch with me but I’m not going to make myself super available for someone when I don’t even know how they feel yet.
I guess I want to come across as chill and laid back because I want to be that way, but there’s a balance between being laid back, and just demanding a certain level of treatment for yourself and having respect for yourself to know when to pull back.
We’ll see …..