I (33M) have been married for 5 years. I married my SO (33F) quickly 4 months after getting to know her via a dating app. I started having reservations before our wedding but I ignored them thinking that they are just cold feet. Quickly it became evident that I did not like my wife’s personality at a fundamental level, due to her interests, anxiety, social skills and interests. But I never fully accepted those reservations as I thought they do not truly outweigh, since we get a lot of things right, at least not all the time. These reservations come to surface when I am with my close family and friends who I imagine can sense that I do not truly like her and am at peace with the relationship and am being inauthentic. It is difficult to separate if this is coming from the need of external validation or a genuine manifestation of gut feeling. The relationship is truly healthy in a lot of ways, we are super kind, honest and vulnerable with each other. Both of us help and support each other on our psychological issues and have solid communication. I can fully trust this kind human being and consider her my family no matter what the future holds. But this nagging feeling that this relationship is not right, and that this person is not truly what I desire and can accept as my partner remains. It causes me great deal of distress as I simultaneously experience the nurturing I experience from her, yet there is this nagging persistent feeling of not wanting to be in the relationship and wanting out as this is not ‘right’. We have discussed this a few times together and decided to seek professional help, but I have had experience with professional counseling. I wish I could be talked-out of this feeling or be told that this is a result of some psychological issue which can be dealt with which will leave our relationship intact, and at the same time I feel that this is a gut feeling that I need to honor just based on how persistent it has been.
I wish I could find some help here in any way possible, if you had a similar experience and how did it turn out. Any suggestions and thoughts will be appreciated.
Thank you