My partner (m/36) who I have only been dating for a few months just lost his dad. It was very sudden in a way but he was 80 and had some health issues that happened to a lot of people that age.
I really care a lot about him. I feel so guilty that we had a small argument the day before his dad passed. I had planned to apologize for my part the next day but that’s when I found out. I immediately offered condolences. I haven’t called him other than the next day to send another supportive message. I’m sure he and his siblings are overwhelmed. I’ve never had to support a partner through parent loss before and the fact that we’re still new also makes me feel kind of lost as to how to be there for him, how much to reach out, and what to say. I don’t do empty platitudes or anything just offer help and support.
I have found that men often grieve differently than women. I grieve quietly though most women I know are more open about it. I go through my day stoic and then grieve alone. Not sure how to support him and I don’t
want to be annoying or mis step.
Any advice from men who have experienced that aren’t loss is welcome.
3 comments
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“How would you have me show you how much you mean to me at this time?”
I personally am someone where if you just sat in silence with me feel asleep on my shoulder, then I would be genuinely elated at the show of empathy. On the other hand, I know that the opposite is also true. I know that some out there prefer to be left alone in times like that so that he can have space to revisit the memories he made with his dad, and how he wishes to move forward in the light.
There isn’t a right answer for everyone, the right answer is simply to be curious enough to want to know how the person wishes to be treated, and then try to abide by those requests in some way.
People don’t remember the things that you say, only that you were there for them.
Just being present makes a world of difference.