I saw my story on TikTok and discovered it’s been shared across reddit and many people commented. I read all the comments and they got me thinking about our marriage and how it’s starting to mirror the one of my parents.
My mother has always been very controlling with my father, she’s what people would call a one-tone nag, always moaning and complaining about something, and this is the main reason I keep my distance from her. My father is a quiet man who avoids all conflict and my husband is kinda like him.
Now I am realizing I am becoming exactly like my mother. I admit I didn’t outright throw away my husband’ stuff because a part of me knew that if I did, it would have done damage that couldn’t be repaired.
But I still do many little things that my mother would do, like swapping the clothes he picks in the morning with ones I think look better, or suggest him what to post on social media or put as profile picture on WhatsApp.
I had a long conversation with my husband and asked him how he really feels about my behaviors. He said he’s mostly fine with them but sometimes I can be “too intense”. I asked him to elaborate and he admitted that sometimes I can be suffocating. He said sometimes I do this even when we are sleeping, such as when I spread my leg on him and weigh down on him to not make him move.
I admit I teared up listening to all this, and although he assured me he’s not even thinking about leaving me, I don’t want to make him miserable like my father is.
I asked if I should go to therapy to try and mitigate my behavior, he said he would support me if I did so now I am shopping for therapists. He also said he would be open for marriage counseling if I wanted to, and I am considering it.
Hopefully our relationship is not too damaged and I can try to be a more patient and understanding partner like he is with me.