Now i want to say, my boyfriend is very loud and has many friends, hes the type to party and drink etc. his friends are all the type of friends you wouldnt want your SO to be around. They cheat on their partners and just see women as meat. My boyfriend even said he would never go on a ‘boys only’ holiday because he ‘knows what they are like’ (his friends). But my boyfriend isnt like this, ive never known him to be this way. I think he just met the wrong crowd and ran with it.
So he told all of his friends about our sex life, ALL of the things we have done which i was under the impression were private. I found out about this in september last year, to which i expressed how this hurt me to him. He brought it up randomly in some conversation i cant remember. He brought it up as if it was no big deal, which leads me to believe he really didnt think it was a big deal. However id like to say that i was SA in my childhood, so sex is a really difficult thing for me to be open to. That might help when considering why its hurt me so much. He also knows about this. It broke my heart and any trust i had and brought up all of my past insecurities i had around sex.
We broke up at the end of september because it really just hurt me, he got mad at me when i told him about how much it hurt me. As if in his mind i was crazy for being upset for such a thing. When we were broken up he called me a whore to all of his work friends, and then detailed absolutely everything we ever did in the bedroom. I didnt find this out until recently when he admitted it to me. If i would have known this when we got back together, i wouldnt have gotten back with him.
Its been on my mind heavily now for the past few days, i feel absolutely humiliated and i feel disgusted by myself for even giving myself to him in that way. This has really knocked my confidence and i find myself just feeling like maybe he cant be trusted, maybe he is friends with that crowd because he is exactly like his friends. I just know he was shouting about all of this at work, as its a very unprofessional work place. It makes me sick to think about all the things he said about me. I brought this to his attention and how its been hurting me badly, he said ‘you need to give it a rest’ and to ‘stop talking to me’ ‘i dont want to talk to you today’. As if he is punishing me with silence for ever bringing it up or being hurt.
Advice?
tl;dr – my (20F)bf (20M) told all of his work friends about our sex life in detail and im heart broken.
3 comments
> i find myself just feeling like maybe he cant be trusted, maybe he is friends with that crowd because he is exactly like his friends
Chances are he is yeah.
Birds of a feather flock together. Any guy that tells his friends his the intimate details of his relationship is exactly what you fear he is. The loyalty here clearly is to his friends not you. He won’t tell you he’s just like his friends, what purpose does that serve.
As the old saying goes: Tell me who your friends are – and I’ll tell you ‘who’ you are. He’s that guy. 💯
He’s got a lotta growing up to do; sharing intimate details of what happens with your partner is inappropriate, disrespectful, and an obvious red flag.
The whole “give it a rest” etc… is just him gaslighting you. He either doesn’t realize he’s an asshole or doesn’t care about how his behavior hurt you.
You’re young, seem like a good person. Move on. You’ll be better off in the long run.
There will be someone else out there for you. Good luck