Yeah I’m 28M and that was basically my upbringing. I was accedentally conditioned to not speak or say much when was my dad was around. Mainly because my dad would arrived stressed and tired from work and would sometimes shut me down and tell me to be quiet.
I was also somewhat bullied and school and I found that not saying anything made the bullying stop but it further isolated me. I also didn’t have family around us so it was just me, my sister, father and mother. As a result I spent large periods of my life at home and I sometimes would speak less than 500 words per day or less. During my mid 20s I now know I went though a horrible depression since I was just at home all day amd would sometimes just not say anything. I was a dissasociative mess.
Speaking of dissasociation, I now know I used to do this a lot as a way to escape my current reality. I was un happy that I would rather spend hours in my head than enjoying my current t surroundings. I would laugh to myself among other things while in this dissaaociative state. I’m now trying to undo this.
My sister is also seems to have this issue but she has it waaay worse. Like she just doesn’t say anything and has a lot of nervous laughter and laughs to herself a lot. I know her dissasociation is WAY worse than mine but yeah. Not sure how to undo all this shitty conditioning that I was taught.
Overall I still feel stuck. I made progress by understanding myself but I still have a lot of work to do. I’m not sure how to replace years of social skills that I missed but yeah.
I’m still trying to get health insurance (I live in the US) but once I do, hopefully I can get therapy.