Last year I joined a WhatsApp group about a subject I am passionate about. I don’t have any friends or anyone to talk about this so I was really excited to interact with people with similar ideas.
Everything seemed fine at first. Some greeted me when I introduced myself, and for a while I joined in on ongoing discussions and people seemed interested in what I had to say. I didn’t overdid it or anything, I would make one or two comments at most every week, if that. So I know it’s not a matter of me being annoying or overdoing it. But very early on it seemed that the people who worked with the subject of the group had a bit of a clique, despite the entire point of the group was to be a space for layman enthusiasts.
Slowly, there were two people who seemed to be annoyed at everything I said, both of them part of that clique, and one of them ironically is from my city. They would get into these long conversations, which always ended in with back and forth of audios about the subject, specially complaints of things they disliked, which is a common subject in the group. And yet the one time I made a comment about something I disliked, the guy from my city immediately replied something like “we should do more and complain less” along with a picture of something he was working on. Quickly, the conversation shifted to that and he got a bunch of replies and likes, while the subject I brought up was ignored.
Another time I shared some old books I found online for free, and I got a single like, and no reply engaging about it. That same guy picked out something from one of the books, posted, got a lot of likes and that sparkled an entire conversation with a bunch of replies.
At some point this guy left the group, and that’s when his friend got meaner. Every thing I wrote, he contested. One time I posted some pictures I had taken earlier and was so excited to share. No one reacted, and only he commented by saying the city I live in is ugly and depressing. I replied he was exaggerating, and then he react with the nerdy face emoji.
After months of barely even checking on the group after that, I started looking at it again recently. People post things, everyone reacts and replies, it just feels like a slap in the face. I just shared something related to the subject two hours ago, and no one reacted or replied. I just know I will wake up tomorrow and there are going to be at least two long discussions with a bunch of likes and replies after I got ignored yet again.
I don’t want to leave because I keep imagining them all laughing that the loser finally got the clue and gave up. Is this how my life is supposed to be like? Why can’t I ever feel welcomed anywhere? On the rare occasion I’m talking in real life people often ignore me, but I accept because I’m soft spoken and most don’t expect me to ever say something. But when it’s online, I’m written form where everyone and clearly see, and to still get ignored, it hurts.