TL;DR- After almost 2 years, my boyfriend isn’t sure about his romantic feelings towards me. I believe it’s self doubt since we moved so quickly and didn’t become friends first to test the waters. We want to still be intimate with each other and spend as much time together just without technically being in a relationship, is this a good idea and do you think feelings can still develop if they haven’t after this long?
Me (F 26) and my boyfriend (M 24) have been together almost 2 years. At the beginning of our relationship he previously had a moment that he thought his feelings weren’t as strong as they should be and he felt bad leading me on. We took a break and after other life stuff for him calmed down we ended up getting back together and it seemed great. I thought maybe that break just gave him the clarity he needed but just recently he told me the thoughts at the back of his mind are back and he’s not sure that he has those romantic/relationship feelings for me.
For some context, we got together very quickly, we met and instantly had a connection and spent lots of time together, after the first kiss he asked me to be his girlfriend and he now says he thinks he got a little too excited and rushed into it without knowing how strong his feelings were. We were each other’s first sexually, so I feel like that has tied us as a stronger bond as well. But now since he’s unsure about feelings I’m very confused. He has autism and part of me feels like it can just be that he’s confused of how he should feel since it moved so quick with us and we are the closest with each other than either of us have ever had. Part of me also wonders because we are so close and it seems like closeness of friends that it confuses him a bit. We can do anything in front of each other and have so much in common that it just seems like we are the same person and have that connection there.
But now after almost 2 years of him shrugging off doubts he said he doesn’t know if he thinks of me in that way or just as a really good close friend. Which confuses me and blows my mind because how can he? After all the time together, kisses, and other very intimate things along with having sex, to me that just doesn’t seem like what you’d want to do with a close friend. I guess I just want advice if this seems like something that will pass because it’s just self doubt about being committed when there isn’t super strong feelings there. He said as long as we are both comfortable with it he’s still happy to spend as much time together and do everything we’ve always done, just not as boyfriend and girlfriend so it doesn’t make him panic that he’s leading me on or that we are in a relationship when he still isn’t sure. I love the idea of that because I love him and don’t want the intimacy and closeness we’ve developed to just go away but I’m not sure if that is a healthy thing for me to do. I told him I don’t mind it just being casual and he brought up us staying the same as always, without technically being in a relationship and seeing how it goes from there and just work on being friends too. And if someone ends up coming up for either of us, we will just tell the other and go from there. I also like that idea, I don’t need it to be really serious but I feel like if we are in this limbo (I don’t even know what to call it) and he meets someone and tells me and basically confirms the feelings still aren’t there, it’ll kinda break me.
Anyways I’m just looking for advice, I know it’s very confusing and I’m not even sure how to word so much of it and really get out what I need to. If there’s any questions please do comment them and I’ll get back to help with clarification. I really don’t want this to end and I’m really hoping on the fact that he just needs a step back and that the feelings will present themselves more surely for him. Is it possible that he is just confused since it moved so quickly and just needs to develop more sure feelings? Do you think after almost 2 years, if he isn’t sure, that that’s a bad sign?
Thank you so much for the time and any advice given.