My boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for a little over 2 1/2 years. We met while I was going through some mental health issues and he helped me through it. We moved in together about a year into the relationship and currently have 2 dogs and 2 cats together. He is my first boyfriend and he is sweet, kind, caring, and we have a lot of common interests. He’s never treated me bad and has helped me through a lot of my trauma. But here’s a list of things that have started bothering me more and more and I’m not sure what to do.
1. He’s pretty conservative and I’m liberal. We don’t differ our opinions on most things but there are a few strong hitting points that we just can’t seem to work through. For a few examples, I’m vaccinated and he won’t even consider it cause he thinks it’s a violation of his rights. I’m a huge advocate for the LGBT+ community and he could care less/doesn’t see the importance. He stands in the middle with most of these things but I’m full on supportive of the Liberal side of the issues and it bugs me that he doesn’t feel the same.
2. Our sex preferences are completely different. He does a fantastic job of getting me off but he is the most vanilla person I’ve been with and I’m more of a kinky person. He won’t even try anything more than vanilla sex. There’s nothing wrong with not being kinky but it bothers me that he won’t even try.
3. He’s more of an introvert and I’m more of an extrovert. We both tend to be introverted in public but I’ll do most of the talking. The thing that bugs me about this is that he won’t even be outgoing at home. My whole life has been filled with spontaneous dancing and singing and he won’t participate in any of it. He doesn’t want me to stop but he doesn’t participate or encourage me at all. He also doesn’t tell me that I look good or hype me up much unless I say something.
4. He’s currently in school and I’m taking a break. I eventually would like to go back, I just don’t know when. But for the meantime, I am working a full time job. He works part time while being a full time student. I pay for EVERYTHING. I pay both of our portions of rent, I pay for groceries, and I buy dinner every time we go out. He will occasionally have a little extra money and he will buy me cute baskets of my favorite things or get me somethings he knows I like. But our main finances, I pay for. I don’t mind it as I want to help him get through school but it isn’t easy.
He really is an amazing guy and I love him to pieces. He will make a great father someday and is an amazing partner at not giving up when things get tough. I know that he loves me and we’ve had a lot of long talks discussing these things but we’re both pretty stubborn and set in our ways. The only issues I have are listed above but it’s starting to dwell on me more and more. I keep thinking that I’ll move passed it but I just don’t know if it’s working anymore. I don’t know that I want him out of my life but he’s made it clear that if we break up, he doesn’t want to be a part of mine. Our animals love him and I don’t know if I could separate them from each other either. The majority of his living expenses rely on me and I don’t know if he could afford something without me but he would not want to live with me if we weren’t dating.
I just don’t know what to do. I need advice.
5 comments
The little things we didn’t see at the beginning tends to take more and more space over time. It is what you have built with him that will help you get through.
It all depends on your will and the past you’ve shared. Don’t overthink the future, the present is more important.
If things like different political opinions are a problem for you then talk about it in a way that shows you’re concerned about it. Explain without saying it that it is a dealbreaker. Since he obviously cares about you, he will listen. And if you can’t seem to share a common ground…
Find a way to agree on the disagreements.
Feelings… Ah, well. To boil it down to a “manly” point of view (the simplest way possible) it kinda sums up in a pros and cons list. And then a decision based on that.
He could possibly have a stronger pro side of things is there was a hint of “I can try”, “I will listen to your arguments and reconsider some things” but from your post he’s quite firm in believes.
Differences are normally a good thing witch leads to conversations and interaction rather than only cool and Netflix on a Friday night, but since you air your differences like this out seems they got to you on an other level.
It’s actually you who have a problem here. Relationshipadvice on a forum might not be the answer as very few here are educated enough to give an answer, so I won’t advice either way other than…
Pros and cons list. The result is yours, and yours alone, to ponder. ARE you willing to live the rest of your life with him given the result ? If in doubt you should possible talk to him as he might see the problem and try to better. He might go “at least talk about liberal stuff” and kink it up good in bed… you never know 😉
The “sole you posting here” give me another vibe though. Have you thought about this for some time and subconsciously already have a formed opinion and now seek support from the almighty internet ?
Again, pros and cons list, decide either way and go with it. Pop a serious talk in the mix to give him a chance to see what he miss if persistent in his views.
My two cents, good luck to ya and may you get kinky’er hoopla in a near future.
//P
Quite the pickle. On one hand he’s kinda boring and on the other hand he’s “safe” :/ He needs to learn how to have a good time.
Good God, I don’t think I can respond to this one while at work… a tl;dr would be great.
So I see all the things you are not matching up on but my question is why are you just now bringing it up? What has made you put this information out? Did something happen recently?