I’m actually quite social and confident in my waking life, and I don’t know why. I have a huge amount of social anxiety pent up in my past, and I guess I’m just good at putting up the front.
Well, I’m in counseling for anxiety, and we discussed this. She basically gave me HW: reach out to one person from the past, just casually, and reconnect. Ask them how they’re doing. Super innocuous, not a big deal.
Coincidentally, one of my best friends advised me to do the same.
And because of a new job I have, which provided these cool lessons on networking (important to my job), they basically *also* gave HW — reach out to a few randoms in your contact list, every day, and see what’s up.
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Why is this so stressful?
What do I even say?
Why is it so much easier in real life?
I know the responses will be positive, and I need to do this to resolve these past anxieties, but actually doing this simple fucking thing is just… like a phobia? I don’t understand how I can be the life of a party in real life and can’t even send a fucking text.
2 comments
People from our past have had time to change and reflect; the person you’re intending to text might very well have thought about you a lot before, or wanted to reach out but was also anxious to, which is good reason to take a chance! Worst thing that happens is they ghost you (which happened to me a few times trying to reconnect with old friends).
The next best thing that happens is they respond with some interest, and it’s up to you if you feel like reconnecting would be worth it now that you’re in a different stage in life than you maybe knew them in.
Something you can say is “hey X, it’s John from when we were in college! How have you been all this time?”
Then you can go off into setting up a lunch date or some informal meetup if you both have the time. If it grows into a deeper friendship because they have the time, that’s great! If not, that’s fine too, but at least you tried in earnest. If it helps, try writing out the text in your notes app or something and wait some time as if you’ve already sent it. With how casual the first text is, there’s little to lose in this situation.
Don’t stress over it too much. If they respond, then that’s a good thing and if they don’t, it’s not like they’re thinking about you much anyways. It’s a win-win either way.