https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dNvTPJKbXU
## UPDATE
I mention this in a comment on the original post but when she talked to me about how I reacted the next morning she told me she was afraid of me and thought I would physically hurt her. And wanted me to promise that I would never hurt her physically. I said that’s ridiculous I would never hurt you and am offended you would think so.
To clarify the moment she is referring to is when we got home out in the parking lot I raised my voice “what were you thinking!?” Then went back to my car and drove off because I needed a break before we talked about it. I phoned a friend then came back. At no point did I ever hit anything or touch her nor have I ever in the past. I’ll admit I have never raised my voice in any of our previous arguments.
Anyways after trying to talk about it a few more times we find our discussion running in circles and she says she needs space and wanted to stay in a hotel. I said I’d just stay at my parents place a few nights.
After spending a few nights apart we got together tuesday to talk again. I asked her what’s been on her mind and she says she’s sorry for what she did and had no idea this was going to be so “triggering” for me and promised to never do it again.
I got a bit defensive and basically said you were wrong and I did not over react. I told her my biggest issue was her believing I would ever hurt her and if she truly believed I would. She said in that moment yes.
We basically picked our hills to die on where she believed I over reacted and I believe my reaction was justified. Then I just said “what do we do now?”. “Should we call it?”
She said “I don’t know” and started crying and said she couldn’t talk anymore and she “didn’t imagine this is how this conversation would go.”
I can’t imagine being with somebody who is scared of me and where I overreacted let alone build the trust again.
I figured it’s just best to call it.
I wished her best of luck and said it was great while it lasted.
I reached out for a good time to grab my things and she said I could come by today. She also wanted to talk to me again for some closure and try and end on a better note. I started off by apologizing for raising my voice and that I would never physically hurt her. She said I know you wouldn’t “I was just surprised “. She also said the time we had together was great and enjoyed it. She said she never imagined it ending so suddenly like this. We were both pretty teary. I asked her if she still wants to do this and she said yeah it’s too late the damage was done. I said ok and I’d start packing my things. It was awkward gathering my things with her father there( he had flown in from there home town ). They were eating dinner and laughing and seemed to be having a great time which left me admittedly a bit bitter in the moment. I get all my things and say goodbye then she asks for a hug and I hesitate but said ok. We hugged and said goodbye.
My heart hurts and maybe I made the wrong decision and should of did couple counseling first. But also her saying she knew I wouldn’t hurt her today made me feel like what you all were saying was true and I made the right choice.
Thank you all for all the advice