I (22F) feel like my (26M) boyfriend makes my life so much harder and I can’t tell if I am the issue.
We do not live together, no kids, been together about a year.
I want to start by saying I grew up with an abusive alcoholic dad and a verbally and emotionally abusive mother. So I had to raise myself and grew up very fast. I do very well for myself, I am financially stable (very thankful for), I have 4 animals, I have a home, I own businesses, so my life is very stressful as is. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to want to advance in life career wise, which I’m fine with. Not everyone has the goal of wanting to be rich. My issue is we cannot go 24 hours without a fight. It all starts with him saying something to me with the intentions of making me mad then masking it by saying it was a joke.
Part of my job is social media, which I try to take seriously because my businesses rely on it. He told me one of the stories I posted talking gave him the “ick” then went on to tell me how it was unattractive, I felt so embarrassed and thought other people where probably making fun of me too, so I deleted it. Then once he realized how upset I was, he made me feel dumb because he was “just joking”
The next day he called me by his exs name and tried saying he didn’t???!? Then said it’s because he saw she had another baby… important to note he doesn’t know a single one of my exs names because I’m not allowed to talk about them, but I can tell you every detail from his last relationship.
Like I said I am very independent, I don’t need anyone, I just want a partner who enhances my life.
My house is spotless at all times because I have awful OCD, I cannot think straight or go about my day if something is out of place. My boyfriend continues to leave plates with food on them in the sink, doesn’t shut cabinets all the way, etc. I was able to ignore these things at first, but then it turned into him asking me to make him food which I’ll agree to only if he puts it away. Guess who wakes up every morning having to put away the food I made and cannot even eat because I’m on bodybuilding prep? 🙂
I am also currently 5 weeks out from a bodybuilding show, it’s not just going to the gym. Its working out for 3 hour a day, then practicing posing for another hour or two, weighting out every gram of food, tracking every minute you sleep, every step you take, it’s A LOT. Stress management is also so important because it messes with your cortisol.
I’ve had to explain this multiple times, my body hurts, my brain hurts, I’m just exhausted and I don’t need stress.
He hasn’t planned a single date, I’ve taken us strawberry picking, to a pottery class, a concert, etc. not a single date on his end which he blames on the fact that I’m on prep.. in his mind the only idea of a date is dinner?
Nothing seems to work, I’m just at a point where I can’t tell if I’m the problem, if I’m being dramatic because I’m on prep, or if my family dynamic growing up is causing me to be the problem. I feel like I’m going insane.
Sorry for this being so long, there’s a lot more to it just trying to get the important stuff. I appreciate you all!
TL;DR : I feel more stress free when I am single, I can’t tell if I am the issue in the relationship.