So my bf and I have only had sex once in the span of a year.
It all started last May where work was getting super stressful for him and due to over thinking, he couldn’t stay erect while having sex. This happened 3 times before my bf just stopped trying to initiate or talk about it.
At month three I brought up how I’ve been feeling and thinking it was me and that he didn’t find me attractive anymore due to gaining weight. He told me that it wasn’t me and he still find me very attractive and that he is having mind games and overthinking issues. He said he would try to fix it.
By month six, nothing changed. I could tell he was NEVER in the mood, always tired or overly stress due to work. So I brought up the conversation again and he said that ever since he couldn’t get it up the last few times we tried, he’s scared to disappoint me and can’t get this mental block out of his head for it. I asked if there was anything I could do to make him feel better or help like more compliments, going slow with intimacy etc. He said no and ended the conversation.
Now it’s been a whole year and a few months ago he brought up the courage to initiate, I was very excited and we got to business. Unfortunately this time he wasn’t able to finish and made him quite sad and upset with himself.
Ever since that time in February he hasn’t tried again since. Throughout all of this time I’ve tried to initiate once in a while but I don’t want to put pressure on him so I normally wait for him to show interest instead.
I don’t wanna keep living with only having sex once a year while being in our mid 20’s.
Any advice on how I should bring this topic up again? Should I say it a certain way so he doesn’t feel attacked?
BTW: we’ve been dating for 4 years, and before this issue our sex life was great, great chemistry etc.