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Ice cream date last night was a success. We talked for almost 4 hours. Date #2 is this evening. š
In the initial few months of a relationship, do you get disappointed or bummed out if intimacy does not happen very often, like maybe once a week at most?
Have things increased or gotten better over time?
Guy I matched with this morning asked if I was okay with him being not single. Meanwhile guy I chatted tonight, after a quick stalking, apparently got married 3yrs ago and we have a bunch of mutuals. Itās not very promising haha
Dang, so this match had a really cool dandelion photo, and she said “They are sunflowers, lol”
then I got unmatched a bit after. Wow
I’m definitely not a plant guy, I originally thought they were daffodils too. Not ever talking about flowers/plants again
This is it! Tomorrow is my half marathon! Months of work! Wish me luck!!
Anyone got any advice on how to not get in my own head? So I went on 2 dates with this girl I became friends with and Iām absolutely falling for her. Both times itās seemed to go really well imo. Last weekend she said sheād love to go to a shooting range with me this weekend but I havenāt really talked to her. I contacted her on Tuesday to see if she wanted to hang out and said she had EOQ for work and had to work late, so I gave her her space. I have bad anxiety that Iāve been working on but have been getting in my head about contacting her again asking if she wants to still go or hang out for cinco de mayo. I know it sounds dumb but I donāt want to come across as needy or annoying her. I know it sounds dumb but should I just text her? Do yāall think Iām overthinking things? Or maybe sheās not as interested as I thought?
Long story short: Around mid March a girl said sheād be near my area 2nd week of May, so we made plans. Last week after some texting, I brought up āletās meet this weekendā, but she said she was busy and overwhelmed with work. So I let it be and havenāt texted since, letting her initiate now.
My main question is: Being that this recent attempt was a no-go, but yet we still had made previous plans, should I try to confirm for the actual main date a few days before? Or did I screw up by trying to throw in a meet earlier? Just curious ty
Got to the date place 10 minutes early; got us a table an anxiety is starting to kick in. Wish me luck folks. Trying not to psych myself out right now.
Getting confused with the often given advice here of taking a dating break.
Taking a break does not mean to simply stop dating or stop trying for a given amount of time, right? One has to do something productive like self-improvement, a new dating perspective (solidify goals), discover new passions, etc. Reinvent yourself. Rebuild your self worth. Something, right?
I went on 2 dates in 2022 and 1 date in 2023. So far 0 dates in 2024. So I probably don’t actually qualify being in this group other than I am over 30 and I’m single lol.
My thinking is I’m not actually on a dating break even though it’s been 5 months since my last date. I’m the same person I was 5 months ago I’m just not on the apps and haven’t met anyone organically IRL. To most on this sub they would say I haven’t met someone IRL because I have the wrong hobbies or I’m just not working hard enough. I agree with that.
My fear is when I decide to go back on apps (IRL is not working so far) I don’t think I will be any different than before. I’ll still be the same guy. I mentioned yesterday I would still just be a forgettable guy probably to many dates and someone mentioned I had resentment. Not sure who I’m resenting.
I just want some more guidance. If I make the same mistakes, I don’t think a pause or break or dating Sabbatical will automatically fix them. I feel like I need to basically become a whole new person before I attempt to date and waste anyone else’s time including my own.
Welp, canāt believe Iām saying this but I think Iām officially going to start requesting FaceTime calls before online dates.
The last three guys I went on dates with were very effeminate, to the point where I wouldnāt even doubt that they were gay if we met out in the wild. I still end up having a great time talking over drinks with them but Iām not romantically interested at all, and if we had only FaceTimed first I would have known that within a minute. I feel guilty but I canāt help what energy I am and am not attracted to.
Just went on a first date. Half way through I got a headache and started to feel a bit nauseous. I think it probably dropped my energy. I wonder if he noticed. He seemed nice and we have some things in common. No idea if he is interested in a second date. I guess I’ll see what he texts back.
Date 5 was a success! Brunch was great, walk was great and back at mine wasā¦well, that was great too!
It nice to be dating someone whoās actually excited about dating, as opposed to feeling like your doing them a favour by going out with them! It feels good!š
The date could have went on for longer, but unfortunately he had a family event he had to attend. Oh well, thereās always next time!
Well I thought things were going well with my long distance guy, now I guess maybe not. We went on four dates in person and then he went away from work. Since then we’ve both discussed wanting something serious, and we talk every single day, and I’ve been counting down the days til he comes back.
He threw me for a loop this week when he asked how my other dates were going. I have no other dates, since I’ve just been talking to him. He’s not dating others either. Admittedly everyone in my life thinks I’m dumb for not talking to others, and I’ve debated if I should, but I’m enjoying talking to him and it feels good to be off the apps for once. But then he said he really thinks he’ll only be able to see me a few weeks in the summer and that’s it, since he’s decided he wants to work more which means more not being in town. He told me straight up that he thinks he’s wasting my time. I haven’t asked, but I’m beginning to think all this is a rebound for him since his most recent relationship ended more recently than I thought.
On one hand, I want to keep chatting and have this summer fling with him. But man, I’m a little down. I REALLY enjoy his company, and this is the first time I’ve felt like I’ve connected with someone in years. I’d assumed when we first met it would only ever be casual, then got surprised by how serious he was, and now I guess I’m the fool. I’m so down at the thought of going back to swiping and the apps and just overall the loneliness that comes with that. I know I should though so I no longer get too attached to someone who is telling me that they won’t be attached to me. Sigh.
Had a feeld date last night and got laid. Was fun. May never see them again. š
Just coming home from a night out with friends. A (very good-looking) gay man called me handsome. This has never happened in my entire life and I still canāt really believe it actually has.
I complimented him back and then ran off to the bathrooms because how do you respond when youāve never had this happen before?
Iām chalking this up as a win even tho nothing came of it because itās a huge first for me.
Iām really confused by recent guy who often texts me back 12+ hours later. Weāve only been on one date, he asked for a second date, then our post-date communication felt off to me (really slow replies, not engaging) so I cancelled the date cuz I wasnāt feeling good about it. He then asked why and offered another date – I explained it to him and he apologized and said itās hard for him to be affectionate and a good tester early on and he relies on getting to know each other a bit more in person. Fine, fair. I suggested we find something that works communication wise as we get to know each other better and he seemed enthusiastic about it, asked me what I like, explained that the last week had been busy but heās usually pretty consistent; that heās exited about hanging out more but understood if the communication is off. So we exchanged a few texts, rescheduled and confirmed another date. Now, he didnāt reply to my last message with a simple question for a day again? What gives? Iām really turned off and felt like Iāve already given him a second chance. Itās not that I expect lots of texting, and I know itās super early as weāve only met once, but I just think itās rude and inconsiderate to ignore texts from a date for a day without saying ANYTHING. Date is tmr but I donāt even feel like cancelling again cuz I feel disrespected despite him indicating heās interested. So frustrating because I like this guy and he’s expressed wanting to build trust. It’s hard to build trust with inconsistent communication early on.
Had an amazing first date last night. I went into it (*forced myself into it*) with very low expectations but ended up being those people making out at the bar.
Okay, y’all, I’m here because I’m curious as to how others would interpret something that happened to me. I know for sure that I’m overthinking it, because that’s just who I am as a person, but it was so unusual in my life that it’s hard to just brush it off, lol.
I had a male coworker like…. pat me on the shoulder twice while asking something like how I was (i don’t remember the exact phrasing, but it wasn’t important) and if this was an older male coworker (like one of ones old enough to be my dad) or one of my closer female coworkers, I would simply interpret it as friendly and move on, but this coworker is approximately in my age range (he’s somewhat older, but still in his 30s). Additionally, my closer coworkers don’t even do this, and generally I am not used to people touching me (which is definitely part of why I have no idea what to think about this) so it really stood out as being atypical. I have also not seen him do this to others really but we are in different “departments” basically and don’t interact a ton outside of greetings in the hallways, and the occasional brief work related exchange when he comes into my workspace, but it’s really not frequent. I will say that there have been a few times where I felt like he’s gone out of his way to say hi to me when I hadn’t really expected it, and it usually makes me go ??? when it happens but I also will admit that I am really bad at… understanding when it’s expected to greet someone. So he could be acting very normally for all I know.
There’s definitely a part of me that thinks that this is kind of flirty. I’m not great at this but I’m not totally unexperienced, so if it was like… almost any other guy I know, I would probably think this is what this was. But the thing is that this guy is like. Objectively very attractive. Like, I think most people would see him and be like “Yeah, he’s good looking.” Totally out of my league. So this means I feel extremely delusional for even entertaining that he might be flirting, LOL.
I did talk to a coworker I’m close with, who actually is a bit more familiar with him than I am, and she said it did seem a little odd and if he did it to her, she probably would have interpreted it as flirting too. She basically was like it could be nothing but it’s also maybe worth noting, which is pretty much what I plan on doing. I feel like I’m back in high school with all of this nonsense LOL… I’m not planning on like going back to work on monday and turning up the charm now, just acting like normal, but I’m just curious what a group of total strangers would think of this. Typing this all out made me feel like even more of a crazy person though lmfao. I think I’m pretty close to overcoming the delusion now at least.
ETA: I wouldn’t say I’m actually particularly in this guy, I think there’s several reasons why it wouldn’t work, moreso that I’m trying to see if my ability to pick things up is extremely broken or only kind of broken.
had a first date that was interesting from psychological perspective. he absolutely did not want to talk about ANYTHING. well, first off, he wanted to meet at a coffee shop but he meant literally sit outside and talk. so i offered to go grab myself a drink and come back outside. he ended up buying us coffees.
he said he likes classical music and attended concerts at the local venue. no more details whatsoever. could not describe when. nothing about the musicians or songs. i named conductors that i saw last year. different artists. different instruments. this man had no reaction. not sure he likes beethoven or saw any of these concerts like i did. lol.
but then this also extended to other things. he came by scooter but has no interest in the scooter that he owns. nothing to talk about for the bicycle that he has currently in the shop.
this is also how he communicates about his love of travel. nothing to describe recent trips. nothing to say about the plane ride or what they did or a fun activity.
i would love to see how they open up. i definitely could not figure it out.
I said hi to my gym crush today. This man is absolutely gorgeous. š„µ Iāve been content just enjoying the view from afar but today the stars aligned and he was right on my path on my way to the locker room. Even though he made eye contact I donāt think he was expecting me to say anything because he looked a little caught off guard, but he did smile. Then I caught him looking later. Even if thatās the extent of our interactions, Iām happy. āŗļø
I met this woman on a dating app a few months ago, and we hit it off like I havenāt experienced in a long time. Things ended up fizzling out and she ghosted me after four dates and much texting.
I was and still definitely am disappointed, but I made an effort to channel my disappointment into something productive. I sought out help for the anxiety Iāve always had, but which became *very* apparent while dating her, and ended up starting an anti-anxiety medication. I poured myself into home improvement projects. I made an effort to go to more in-person queer events.
And Iām really flourishing rn. My medication has really helped stabilize my mood and prevent spirals, my apartment looks lovely, and Iāve made some new friends. I still feel lonely and am still definitely bummed about the situation, but Iām proud of myself for how I handled it.
SEND HELP š¬š¬
My boyfriend & I are both 30, have been dating for over a year & have kids from previous relationships if that matters. We hang out pretty much daily, but don’t live together yet. We both have trust issues from our previous relationships, we’re both in therapy though.
Let’s start from the top, it seems like he’s constantly lying to me. When we met, I had an OF so he asked me to delete it & I said of course, but you have to delete yours as well. I found out almost a year later that he still had it & had been buying content. He was also looking at porn multiple times a day, ‘just because he’s bored’. I do *anything* this man asks me to in the bedroom, but he still looks at porn pretty much daily & hides it from me. I feel like I can get over the porn thing, as long as it’s not cam sites or paying for content.
At one point, yes I was talking to another dude over snap that lives in another state (so nothing physical), but I came clean & I haven’t done it again, he swears up & down he would never do that. This was at least 6 months ago, but he still brings it up & I tell him he can look through my phone if he wants, he knows my pin & my passwords to everything. Plus, I deleted snap, I don’t care to talk to other dudes, because my needs are met with my boyfriend. He says he doesn’t feel right going through my stuff, okay cool. My boyfriend has a pin or fingerprint code on everything he owns. He even made me my own user account on his laptop so I could borrow it to help him with an essay for school. He forgot the password but refused to give me his, so the essay never got done.
Today, we were looking at Pinterest on his laptop to find ideas for his first tattoo. Then I remembered this cool artist I had seen on Facebook so I clicked over to Facebook & his messages were pulled up BUT they were “encrypted” so hidden messages with a pin code. There was at least 5 of those from women & 1 guy one. (my messages & his baby mama’s messages weren’t like this) They’re all local people & on his friends list. I don’t know what to think. I feel like I’ve let him slide a lot because I messed up & broke his trust once too, but he almost broke up with me over that. I have been super open since then. If he asks “who’s this?” I tell him. He also asked me to remove all the guys I’ve ever talked to from my FB friends… Meanwhile, he has a ton of girls on his. I’m talking even an ex fiance (which is one of the messages in question).
Anyway, if you read this far, give me your 2 cents. Be honest, I can handle it. I just wanna know if it’s worth trying to fix it. We have a lot of fun together, we like the same stuff, our kids get along & he’s not an ass, so he’s perfect except for hiding stuff.
So I’ve been really nervous about starting to date again after 15 years being out of practice (and being really awkward at it even then). Dating apps seemed a bit too intimidating right now, so I decided to try to responding to some r4r posts. Had a couple chats that were okay, but the conversation just wasn’t flowing.
And then I got incredibly lucky and messaged a girl with lots of shared interests, randomly happened to be about an hour away, and the physical attraction was mutual. I definitely got caught up in the thrill a pretty girl giving me attention and things went too fast. After about a week of texting back and forth very regularly I just got a message that she’s not sure she’s ready to date and is stepping back. I thanked her for being honest, and tried to take it as gracefully as I could.
I know there’s no way to know for sure whether things would have been different with a slower pace, but I can’t help but beat myself up about this. I know I’ll get over it, but it really feels shitty right now. Lesson learned I guess.
After not having any dates for months I had two scheduled for this weekend.
However, bachelor #2 cancelled on me today.
What the universe giveth, the universe taketh
Iāll be child free in exactly one month, for 3 weeks. Iām ready for a whirlwind summer romance with my beau. Letās hope weāre still going strong by then (weāll be at the pivotal 3 month mark by that time).
He mentioned wanting to go on a trip and looking into it. Truth is, Iād need to know soon-ish in case I need to take any time off. He has a lot going on this month including a vacation which is likely at the top of his mind so I donāt wanna bug him, but I may mention it after a workout next week. Would be so fun and the extended time we need šĀ
I was GOING TO have a date tonight but that ended up falling through. Rescheduled for Wednesday. Not trying to be a downer but if I was a gamblin lady I bet we will not meet lol. I’ve said yes to 3 dates in the last week but nothing comes to fruition. Not bummed out by this; moreso an observation. Anyway talking to this new dude, another engineer, who texts like a robot. I’ve seen him on the apps for about 4 years and we match every time but something is off. Can’t wait to find out.
Ok, my last post should indicate that I am good at getting friendzoned. Has someone who had the same problem realized what helped him get over that problem?
I generally make people feel good around me, but it seems that I am either not projecting enough of some kind of energy to be attractive, but rather tend to attract people who need someone to listen.
I like listening, but I would also like listening to someone who is actually there for me…
I have eight active Hinge chats right now and every single one of them is with someone Iāve matched and talked to before š at this point I kind of want to invite them all out at once and just weed them out that way, would probably save time.
Am I the asshole? Today at around 10:00 am I asked the girl to confirm our date for tomorrow. She read my message (whatsapp two blue tickets) at that moment. She replied at 7:00 pm that she could. I thought she had ghosted me and I chose to move on. I felt disrespected and will leave it at that, I don’t feel any desire to pursue her anymore, so I refuse to reply anything.
My guy knows just what to do and say…at a funeral for a mutual friend (he is working out of town and couldn’t go). Gave me space and knew just how to reply to my txt. ā¤ļø
Met a guy in state A. My dating profile clearly states Iām looking for something long term and donāt do casual hookups and that Iām visiting state A before I move there in a couple of months. Guy I met was really nice and we ended up having sex several times. He told me heād stay in touch when I go back to state B. Also in a conversation said something about how he thinks multidating is acceptable up until you start having sexā¦ which I mean, we did the night we met. Forgot to mention that his profile also states that heās looking for a long term relationship.
So, itās been 3 days since I came back and I havenāt heard from him. I sent him a text the night I was leaving and one the day I got back, and he reacted to both with a heart, but thatās it. He did say he would be busy Saturday and Friday but I mean, a text message doesnāt require much time? Now Iām thinking what if he just said the right things in the moment so we could keep having sex? The thought of that makes me a bit sad. Iām not the most experienced person and sex means something to me as in I get a bit attached when I sleep with someone. I also really could see him as a long term partner. We had many deep conversations about what we are looking for in a partner and in a relationship and we were on the same page about everything so now Iām just really confused.
Iāll give him a few days and then I guess Iāll text him but what do I even say? I do miss him a lot š
I’m turning 30 in 2 weeks and just got brutally rejected. Give me hope that it’s possible for me to date somebody that I actually want to date instead of just settling.
you agree to meet someone off a dating app and its the first in-person meeting. what is the minimum amount of time to be polite? like 15 minutes? 30 minutes? is this like the beer rule where you consume the drink in their presence?
because i met someone today. everything was fine – he looked like his photos. i didnt fear for my safety. the chat was fine before. its just the conversation was so bad.
35F. I got reconnected with someone that I knew from a few years ago. This guy is a little bit older than me. Met for coffee for the first time last week, and spoke about 2 hours. No thoughts of dating at all, but I kept thinking about the meeting. No text after that. Met again for a meal and tea yesterday. We spoke longer this time. I usually the talker, go getter, intitiator type of person, but I decided to be more of a listener, um pushing my feminine energy forward lol. He ended up speaking a lot, which I didn’t mind. We learned that both of us were older than we thought we were lol. He probably thought I was way younger than him in the beginning and wanted to be careful. He DM’ed me after we went home saying that he had a good time. Also, he started replying to each of my IG story post. Not sure if he took an interest of me, I don’t intend to date him, but it is nice to experience this once in while. There is hope for me yet.
Iām finishing up my business degree this week and stuck in a group project thatās sort of triggering my ongoing frustrations with dating but also helping me see how fortunate I truly am.
Iām doing my college capstone group project for my business degree which relies heavily on collaboration and individual contribution. Itās the capstone for the major and you simply have to know your shit.
Two of us have been on it, one has been completely absent, and the fourth has been present but just blusters and pouts and makes a scene every time we get together.
Heās married with kids and a house and all the things Iāve ever wanted and donāt have. He prides himself in owning his own business but itās also immediately clear the he would never survive in a group setting he didnāt have full control over. Iām sure this is why he is so combative in our group project.
His personality is very petulant and belligerent in general. He doesnāt seem to understand the curriculum which I can see threatens his identity as a business owner. He seems to take out his insecurity by being bossy and manipulative.
One of his games he plays is pretending to want to say something and if someone else is talking or interjects, he refuses to speak again until people are practically begging him. At which point he has nothing to contribute at all and makes up bs on the spot. Then when he needs leverage, he uses this to project his bossy and domineering behavior onto his chosen target. Claiming they never let him speak. Iāve seen this one before.
Instead of contributing himself, he launched a smear campaign against our total absentee teammate and when we were given a reasonable solution by the professor, it wasnāt good enough for him so he raged on and on and made vague threats about seeing us at graduation.
He constantly threatens to back up this weak intimidation game in person at our graduation. Which is sort of creepy?? And of course if you say something to him, heāll soon find excuse to accuse you of the same thing. Itās exhausting and awkward. Heās clearly deeply handicapped.
And I am so tired of older adults with this level of dysfunction. I see it at work, Iāve seen it in dating, and I see it a lot in school.
It depresses me about dating because it is so common. But itās almost comforting to remember how many of these people Iāve encountered are married. I can close my laptop, unmatch, or leave a room and never think of them again. But thereās a person, or a family of people legally obligated to share space and even physical intimacy with them. It breaks my heart for their families.
I know this is a long rant, but I just got off a seven hour phone call listening to this person and being on the receiving end of his little battles. But itās really giving me a lot more perspective on dating.