I’ve been in this relationship for 8 months now. And when times have been good they’re good. However, throughout the relationship there have been periods where it feels as though I can do no right. It feels as though my partner is constantly judging every little thing I do and that everything I do becomes some sort of problem in the relationship.
Most recently it has been an issue where they feel they can’t communicate with me about anything I may be doing wrong (which at this moment appears to be everything). I’m not perfect by any standards and I’ve made mistakes. I’ve had problems with communicating in the past and present but I’ve been working to be better. I’ve made sure to acknowledge when I’ve made these mistakes and do better. Sometimes I falter but otherwise I like to think I’ve been doing much better than before. I’m also looking into therapy to address some issues like my own self esteem issues and relationship troubles so that I can be better for my partner.
However, recently it seems as though nothing I do is enough and everything I do is a problem. And now it also feels like me promising to work on it isn’t enough. They described trying to communicate with me about things I did wrong as walking on eggshells but to me even interacting with them feels like walking through a minefield where if I do much as say something the wrong way it becomes an issue.
Just today I asked if we could talk at some point and they stressed that I didn’t imply they could ever say no or talk on their terms. They said I was simply just talking at them and not giving them a chance to say no. This all stems from the fact that I simply forgot to include a statement asking if that was okay at the end of my sentence.
I don’t want to end this relationship and I want to put in the effort to work through and be better but I need some advice on if I should be standing up for myself or if I should continue to just acknowledge that I’m in the wrong and move on. I feel like my words are being used against me and I’m being talked in circles. Any advice would be appreciated.
1 comment
You are enough. Exactly as you are.
Your partner should build you up. It’s literally their job. They can inspire you to improve, but ripping you apart so you think you’re always wrong is abusive, mean, and exhausting.
You feel like you walk on eggshells because you do. You are trying to protect yourself from your partner’s anger by being perfect – and you never will be because the point is to wear you down and make you feel badly about yourself. It’s working.
Dump them and go be really nice to yourself. When you are ready, go find a partner who is kind. This one isn’t.