Girls with pain during intercourse, any tips?

6 comments

1. …. If she is still a virgin I would honestly say it is nerves currently… Sex can be “painful” the first time (first few times depending). Thats kind of standard. But its not PAIN… Its just uncomfortable the first few thrust really. If she has used tampons she should not have a hymen anymore to worry about…

   IF she cannot relax and “loosen up” then I don’t know what to say. If this was vaginismus, the doc should have diagnosed that, not just said it was tighter than average.

   This sounds more like someone has told her that sex hurts. Or that someone has told her the first time hurts a lot. It doesn’t…. Especially if you take time and care to do a lot of foreplay. Again, baring she has Vaginismus, the vagina naturally expands when aroused. It sounds to me personally more like she is just to much in her head… If your Old enough to drink or live in an area where medicinal herbs can be used (and will not effect job), I would say have a relaxing evening and see what happens. Even if not sex (because Most done want to loose v card drunk or high), but foreplay around down their. Or even oral. And just see if the body reacts different when “Chill”.

   Further note, your body tenses when you orgasm. SO if you are doing any fingering or oral and she is tensing up and complaining of pain… She could be orgasming. Over stimulation of the clit can cause a fast and HARD O… And that can “feel” painful…

2. She needs a pelvic floor therapist.

   And maybe a mental therapist

   r/pelvicfloor

3. Make sure she has a lot of foreplay, maybe a massage to help her relax. When giving an exam, an obgyn will say they’re going to touch your leg before they insert anything (speculum, gloved fingers, etc) and this kind of gives your body a chance to prepare I guess, because if you’re laying their spread eagle and go from nothing, to suddenly having something inserted it can be a bit if a surprise and cause discomfort and clenching

   So make sure you communicate what you’re doing before you try to penetrate her and give her those “touch warnings”. Have you successfully fingered her? If not, start there first. It can be a wonky sensation to go 16+ years of never experiencing that and then suddenly trying to deal with the idea of something going inside you.

   If you’ve never fingered her or haven’t much, definitely take it slow, have a few make out sessions doing that and work your way back up to trying intercourse. She can also try to bear down slightly (just enough as tho she’s peeing but not enough to actually pee). This will help her muscles relax and unclench more.

   Good luck, and I think it’s great you’re reaching out and trying to help her. Pain with intercourse is horrible and makes you feel broken because you can’t do what every human is supposed to do, so having your support and willingness to work together to accomplish this is huge!

4. Foreplay and lube are your best friends here. Take your time and make the experience as pressure free as possible. Also start with your fingers then slowly work your way up to your dick. At least 30 mins from the start of foreplay before you even think about penetration

5. I just went through this with my bf. I was a virgin and he is kinda big. What worked for us was just tons and tons of foreplay. Like do whatever you are most comfortable with, fingering, oral, masturbate. We basically kept giving me orgasms until I was like not horny any more and then tried

6. Stop trying to fuck her for now. There are a million pleasurable sexual experiences you can share together, and she’s not ready for penetrative sex. The brain is also a sexual organ and mental state has an effect on the body’s sexual response. Learning to communicate openly about sex is an important first step for lots of people, especially for people who are going to be penetrated (as opposed to the person doing the penetration).

   “Uncomfortable, but ok I guess” is where lots of girls are for their first few sexual encounters when they have a partner who can’t be patient. Aim to be better than “uncomfortable, but ok I guess”. Put her well-being before your desire.

   Make sure she feels completely safe and comfortable with you. Talk about the feelings and expectations you both have about sex. Talk to her about what turns her on. Do a sex ed refresher together; read and talk about the physical process of arousal, condoms and birth control, and STIs. Talk about masturbation; knowing and experimenting with our own bodies and what brings us pleasure can make a huge difference in finding pleasure and satisfaction with a partner.

   The best way to know that she is ready for penetration with your penis is when she finds penetration with fingers or toys pleasurable. I would encourage her to start penetrating herself with her fingers during masturbation to get used to the sensation, one finger at a time.

   When she’s ready, *you* can penetrate her *slowly and gently* with a finger or two until she’s used to the feeling of someone else doing it, going very slowly, one finger at a time. Like, twenty or thirty minutes of this, just slowly and gently inserting your finger(s) while still doing whatever foreplay turns her on, kissing, stroking her body gently, clit stimulation, nipple play, whatever. Lots of women don’t get much pleasure or even sensation out of vaginal penetration alone, and other stimulation to keep her aroused and wet is extremely important. Talking to her and listening to her throughout the process is extremely important.

   When she finds two or three fingers comfortable, she’ll probably find other penetration comfortable. If she finds two or three fingers PLEASURABLE, she may find other penetration pleasurable.