I don’t know where to start but I want to know if what I am doing is normal.
I (30F) was a virgin when I got married. For the most part I think my sex life is great even after 2 kids and my husband’s shift work as a police officer we have sex on average 5-6 times a week. We always tried to prioritize sex in our marriage, but it’s not always perfect. I tend to not refuse my husband either but I find myself getting in the mood once started anyways.
Despite that I feel like something is wrong with me. I struggled with a porn/masturbation addiction prior marriage and no matter how hard my husband tries to help me I can only orgasm by masturbating during sex. My go to for cumming for the last 7 years is basically giving my husband a bj everytime before sex while I play with myself or using a vibrator. I do enjoy giving bjs and it turns me on even more because it can let my mind focus and wander. Or I will be on top and play with myself while my husband thrusts slowly into me. Those are the only ways I can ever orgasm. My husband going down on me just feels good but can never orgasm that way. Another aspect is porn has ruined my mind so much I tend to only fantasize about all the old disturbing sex that I have watched that is far from reality for me. When I fantasize about it, it’s not me in the fantasy, it just the act. I don’t even associate myself in these acts, if that makes sense. Its just like watching a movie but the people are anonymous and the act is what turns me on but im just watching it and I’m not in it. I tend to go to one of those videos stored in my mind and cum during sex. I can fantasize about my husband and I and whats happening but it requires so much mental focus. And sometimes when my mind is not in it and im taking ages my mind goes to porn video that is stuck in my mind instead.
I’m not sure why it bothers me but after trying everything to help me I just feel that in order for me to orgasm I have to deal with it on my own. Sometimes sex without the need to orgasm feels good too and there are some weird days that I can orgasm so easily without much effort.
I just want to know if this is how a woman actually orgasms without penetration or I need to fix my issues.