Hello all, posting on an old throwaway. Hoping to get some opinions on my dilemma from people who lived a little longer than me.
I’m 29 and have been seeing this girl (20) for around 4 months. I’m unsure whether to take the relationship further or not.
Some background on me:
I’ve had a few girlfriends and many sexual partners in the past. Initially I was horrible at chasing girls, but after a lot of self improvement (job, hobbies, health, humor, trauma resolutions) and lots of practice and countless failures on the field, I became quite successful and confident. These experiences have helped me overcome a large extent of the insecurities and resentment I harbored toward women in my teens as a troubled, unpopular, weird, and severely bullied kid. My growing age has also played a significant part in women’s attraction toward me, an experience I’m sure many other men have encountered.
The girl in question has many good qualities. She is good natured, funny, beautiful, decently smart, hard working, and during the course of our relationship she lost her virginity to me (which is a strong plus for me). However she is also naive and unaware, and comes from a poor family and wants to be an actress. I would have said middle class family but that doesn’t exist anymore. On the other hand, my family is rich, however I’m not counting on any help or inheritance from them due to unstable family politics, and as such I sacrificed my own wishes to pursue music and started very early building my own wealth through workaholism in big tech (no nepotism, wasn’t that lucky). I have seen the good side of life and my bar is set higher than hers. My goal is to retire/severely cut back on work by 35 or 40. No plans for kids, if they come at the expense of my early retirement. This is not a dealbreaker for her.
All seems good on paper, but a decision isn’t clicking in my brain, so here’s where I would like to hear your perspective:
After years of struggle and determination to get to where I am, I want to reap the benefits of my hard earned confidence and success. Today I went to the gym and was so horny I wanted to fuck all these hoes.
Clearly those are not the words you would want to hear come out of the mouth of a married man. So in this regard I’m not ready.
Furthermore I feel it’s unfair that I will be the breadwinner and that I will have to carry her, as realistically the acting career won’t pan out (but she has a right to try and I wouldn’t wish her the same fate as me) and any other job she gets will never compare to my earning potential. I fear this will make me bitter because it will slow down my progress toward early retirement. I also fear she may become spoilt by my lifestyle.
On the other hand, if I leave her I fear dating older women who come with a truckload of trauma, and I cannot deny the appeal of marrying a virgin girl.
So, as men over 30, what are your thoughts on marriage now? Do you think I should pursue this girl? Does the dating market get grim and depressing, such that it is a better choice to marry a young and happy, albeit naive girl, who will likely not contribute financially? I doubt I will have another opportunity like this the older I get, but I still enjoy single life.