I’m writing this in response to another trending post regarding a middle aged woman wanting to pipe in directly on topics. While I don’t mind a woman giving advice here and there and as a response to a top level comment, I want to remind other young men here why the perspective of *older men specifically* is uniquely valuable – and why you should be weary of advice from women being mixed with mentorship from older men.
I can tell writing this I’m going to get a lot of flack, because I am going to lean on biological truths that separate the sexes, but fuck it this is truth.
1. *Women’s lived experiences are radically different from a man’s.* – the fact of the matter is that society treats men and women differently, especially young men and young women.
The *average* women in her 20s is going straight from childhood to the peak of her social status, because other men don’t generally care about career advancement, financial stability or emotional stability as the primary factors when choosing a mate – men are driven by physical attractiveness. Thus the issues and insecurities women deal with are radically different than men’s and happen on a completely different timeline.
The average young man is experiencing the opposite of a young woman – you’re trying to learn how to grow from a place of low social status (little income, little confidence, little stability) to maturing into a middle age man that can have acquired the resources to build a family *and lead it*.
Easy proof is just to look at dating trends, young women tend to date older men and men that are still single in their late 20s and early 30s tend to experience the peak of their sex life if they have had success in their endeavors.
So when an older man gives you advice it’s a similar lived experience – either succeeding or failing to have established stability and garnered the resources necessary to create worth. Because at the end of the day, young men are born inherently pretty worthless to a society during peacetime…that’s why it’s women and children first when the ship is sinking boys.
2. Alright this is gonna sound bad but
*you don’t ask a fish how to catch a fish*
Many men here are looking for advice for dating women. However, the initial stages of courtship are essentially a power struggle between the sexes. So a woman is going to give you advice that benefits *her* and not necessarily you.
It does not benefit her to tell you that dating is an essentially a numbers game, so you need to be asking out and seeing as many women as possible initially to develop experience and taste.
It does not benefit her to tell you that emotional support is leverage you should not be providing without some benefit for yourself, because that energy needs to be conserved for applying to your own development. Dispensing that energy freely actually lowers your value in her eyes – because you are giving away a finite resource for free, thus signaling it’s worthless.
It does not benefit her to inform you that having multiple options is typically how you build the confidence needed to sustain the attention of a high-value woman who always has many options.
And this isn’t malicious, just like a man doesn’t truly know how to advise a woman to retain his own interest in a way that makes him uncomfortable (just how to satisfy his interest) a woman doesn’t either. We dont advise other people on how to manipulate us.
3. *The correct answer for a man is usually different than the correct answer for a woman*. This is especially true because society will expect very different things from you than it will from a woman, and will not tolerate the same things from you than from a woman. You will not receive kindness in the same way, you will be looked down on for not achieving certain things that are acceptable for a woman.
Simply put, a woman does not need to facilitate masculine qualities in the way a man does. In many aspects, masculine qualities can be detrimental for a woman but beneficial for a man due to the structure of our society (yes, that structure is inherently unjust but such is life).
Likewise, the psychology a man should hold is different than the psychology a woman should hold. It’s the summation of the stark contrast that makes the whole – you need darkness and light.
4. The way a man (a father) soothes and advises you is different than a way a woman (mother) should soothe and advise you. Both are important, both should be heeded.
Lastly, this community is a place for men to mentor other men – which is a very very important tradition in human societies dating back to our tribal lives. Older men are here to pass down the expectations of our mega-culture to you and help try and make the next generation of men learn from our mistakes, advance and find themselves. It gives older men satisfaction and a feeling of purpose and I think it is truly valuable to young men.
As an entrepreneur and musician, the mentorship of other successful and gifted men who are wise and have already walked the same path I aspire to are the most valuable relationships in my life right now.
This is not to say you should only concern yourself with the advice of other men. Many men aren’t respectable, or honorable or wise.
But I have found as I’ve aged that the rhythms and challenges we all go through are similar, it’s the way we handle them that makes the outcomes of our lives so different.
And simply put, that rhythm and these challenges are unique to men, and that is what makes this community so valuable as a space for young *men* to talk to older *men*.