So sorry for length but advice requires context.
I went no contact with her at the beginning of this year. It was a long time coming but I never thought I would go through with it, honestly.
She has always chosen men over my sister (18F) and I. She becomes obsessed to the point that they are more important to her than anything else. Ironically, she seemed to always choose trash men too. One of them called my sister (at 15) a bitch to her face and my mom defended *him*.
She would move these men into our home after mere months. The relationship would be toxic as hell until they finally moved out, and then repeat. I could write a novel about the instability and trauma that was my childhood, but I’ll spare you all.
Last year she met a man online who lived across the country. Soon began the talk of him moving to our state and into her home. He has a criminal record and 4 children who don’t speak to him, so naturally my sister and I expressed concerns. We were met with the usual— we don’t know him like she does, we don’t want her to be happy, we’re just throwing a fit because we “want her all to ourselves”.
I told her outright that if she continues this toxic cycle, she would lose us. She took the attitude of “yeah right” and moved him in anyways. So, sister and I decided we were done. We’re both adults, both living on our own, and there’s no reason why we should keep subjecting ourselves to this.
This was in January. Things were radio silent for a long time. She never reached out, and we heard from family that she seemed happy in her new relationship. Sister and I struggled for a while because it was very painful, but we slowly started to do better. We’re also closer than ever now which is priceless to me.
Beginning a couple of weeks ago, she has started to reach out to us. She’ll text us and say that she misses and loves us and hopes we’re doing well. The first text tugged at my heart, so I just said “Love you too”. But… then they kept coming. Not once did the text include an apology of any kind. Just stuff like “I will always love you” and that kind of crap.
Obviously I love her and I always will, but I deserve a fucking apology. Not just for this but for *all of it* (for which she has never taken accountability).
I’m feeling a little bit manipulated here. She knows that ignoring that text will make us feel guilty, and then she gets to play the victim. Yet I feel like she is trying to force us into saying I love you so *she* feels better about herself. How the hell do I go about this? Do I just ignore them? Do I communicate to her that I will no longer be responding until she takes accountability? I’m sick of her opening up a wound that I’m trying so fucking hard to heal.
Any advice is appreciated.