My boyfriend 32M and I 27F have been dating for 3.5-4 years. We live together, and have what I feel like is a great relationship, and we’ve always agreed on most if not all things (no kids, career goals, etc).
I used to think that I didn’t want the wedding and didn’t mind not bringing in the legalities of marriage because I know he doesn’t love that and having a ring was just fine and he agreed on that but recently I’ve realized I do want something that shows our commitment and allows for the celebration of spending the rest of our lives together.
My boyfriend is super anti-marriage/weddings, hates parties, weddings all of it so of course I’ve been hesitant to bring it up because I don’t want our relationship to end over it but I realize it’s not something I’m willing to give up either. I want to be a bride and be someone’s wife, and it’s not something I want RIGHT now but just the guarantee that it will happen down the line and I feel that communicating it earlier is better.
We discussed it and he didn’t love the idea, and of course didn’t love the fact that I changed my mind which is fair. I said a reception would be fine and we could skip the ceremony trying to compromise on something and he said if I felt really strongly on it then all of it would happen because of me but that he wouldn’t enjoy it and would be miserable throughout the process-but that he would do it if it means we stay together. I understand relationships are all about compromise and most women would be like ok great let’s do it but I don’t want to feel that i’m forcing him into something and have him resent me later on when his stance has always been so cut and dry. I want someone to actually want to be excited to celebrate our decision even if it’s just a little bit and I know you can’t force peoples feelings.
I’m just feeling really stuck? Because I love him but also know that I won’t be changing my mind and I don’t want to resent him if I just don’t do it and don’t want him resenting me if he decides to just because I want to. Feels like we’re at a standstill.
Any and all advice appreciated.
TL;DR: my partner and I have opposing views on marriage and weddings and don’t know if this should be a deal breaker. As I feel I’m forcing him into it and don’t want to.