I’m in a great place right now. I started meditating again after trying it a few years ago. I didn’t stick with it then but i have a great routine now of minimum 10 minutes before bed.
I’ve returned to school after finishing a trade school so I can go to university. I have great grades and my classmates like me.
Outside of school, my friends seem to genuinely enjoy spending time with me, they invite me to parties and I regularly go climbing with some of them. In fact, one of them has even suggested that I move into their shared apartment, a proposition I’m seriously considering.
I’m actively addressing my struggles with porn and gaming addiction, and I’m making meaningful progress.
The only thing that is bugging me is that burning desire for romance. I put the idea of a relationship on ice. I tried dating but it wasn’t successfull, was really demanding, hurt my self esteem and ruined my mood. But the desire to share my life with a significant other still remains. I’ve never experienced that. I keep telling myself, that I don’t want that right now but my emotions tell me otherwise.
One possibilty is that I was so focused on that, that these thought patterns are now hard to get rid of. Another is that wanting love is part of human nature. It’s just really painfull because otherwise I’m doing great.
I’m curious to hear others’ perspectives on this matter. Does anyone have insights or advice to share?