Those of you who grew up with families who ignored mental health struggles or pretended mental illnesses don’t exist, how did it affect other relationships and how did you get better?

8 comments

1. I became extremely shut-down with my emotions. People called me ‘aloof’ but really I was just hiding everything all the time, because I felt any strong emotion or upsetting concern was personal.

   Moving to N America is actually what helped. The culture here is VERY ‘wear your heart on your sleeve’ and at first I hated it but it brought me out of my shell over time. I go home now and am unapologetic about my feelings.

2. I grew up into an adult who also ignored my own mental health struggles. 🙂 The stigma around mental illness is still extremely heavy in my culture, and it was even worse when I was a kid/teen, so it wasn’t easy to break free from those views.

   I still don’t express negative emotions around anyone, and opening up emotionally/venting will always be something I’d rather die than do. However, it helped a lot to live overseas for a while and get familiar with different attitudes that made me realise that my illnesses and emotions are real, valid and okay. Even if I won’t advertise them, I am comfortable telling people when I need a complete mental health break, so I can deal with my shit and recharge as I need without pressure. It’s made life easier and healthier for sure.

3. I remember the time I told my mom I was cutting myself and it was because of her abuse

   She told me that if I say it again she will put me in a mental health hospital for as long as she can

   I got better after knowing my husband, he was actually the only one that didn’t judge me and I even went to the therapy for him, there I just realized the incredible amount of problems I had

4. You can love them, and spend time with them, but you can’t rely on people who can’t understand you. I say this because I was worried I might have to cut off some family members because of how they reacted to me attempting to share my myriad mental struggles and concerns. When I didn’t bring it up, things were generally good. When I did, they’d get defensive and make me feel guilty.

   The solution? I didn’t bring it up *with them.* I found others to confide in, and ways of advocating for myself that I would simply not communicate to them. They get to be at an arms length when it comes to that stuff now, and, unless they come to me for advise, they get to deal with their own untreated issues their way. I enjoy the time I have with them, and we laugh and cry together like we always have, but a certain part of me will always be closed off to them now. And both of us are going to have to be okay with that.

5. Excellent question but my answer would be way too long and complicated.

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7. I don’t have them, I’m not better, it’s gotten worse. I’m quite lost.

8. After I was discharged from the hospital for an attempt to end my life, my mother thought that watching me sleep could cure my issues. I shut her out even more, essentially until I was able to move out on my own. At this point I just don’t talk to her much at all. Later on I also realized that a lot of my CPTSD stems from my upbringing. My relationships with others during early adulthood were not great.

   As an adult, I was surprised to find out that I had friends and colleagues who were understanding and supportive of finding professional mental health help. They modelled the behavior of human beings who are inclusive of someone’s mental health journey. I started seeking professional help, learning about how to establish and maintain healthy relationships, and have gotten to a much better place now.

   Many friends from childhood are still “unenlightened”. I don’t try to force anything onto them, and it’s possible that they judge me for being outspoken about mental health advocacy. All I hope is that they’re happy for me and how I am finally seeking help for my “craziness” (their words, not mine).

   My partner has really supported me in my journey and I now have a counselor that I can trust.

   If you’re feeling stuck or unheard right now, please know that it gets better. I hope you can also find advocates and peers to lend a listening ear or provide support. 💜