I have been with my husband for 3 years. 23f & 26m. We have issues like any other couple, but for the most part our relationship is fine. Our sex life is pretty good, although I know he has been with upward of 50 women before me which has made me a bit insecure, but other than that I’ve never really thought anything of it.. He is working a job out of town for a year and his computer is logged into his google and email. I got on yesterday and his search history from his phone popped up a website called Doublelist and a bunch of porn.. I had never heard of doublelist so I clicked on it to find out that it’s pretty much a craigslist for sex. I then got on his email and searched doublelist to find that he has had an account since 2017 as well as a Craigslist personal account to talk to men. From what I can tell he stopped right before we got together besides this last time yesterday where he logged on, but the messages I have read between him and the other men are so explicit and things I would have never imagined coming from him, like being a bottom, getting rimmed, etc. He is super hypermasculine and now I just feel like it’s all a coverup. He admitted to doing it but said it is only because of a porn addiction and that he needs more and more extreme and it’s like chasing a tail but I don’t believe him. He has been with so many women while doing this on top of it? He says he’s not gay, and I don’t have anything against it, but this is my life and my marriage too and I feel like knowing he has went on the website just yesterday and the history of talking to men about having sex and whatever else and not even knowing about it is crazy. I think he is scared to admit he is gay. Idk what to believe now. What would you do & how do you go about it? Or if you’re a man how did you realize you were gay or bi? Is this normal for a man to do? I just want to understand from his perspective too.. am I wrong for freaking out??
TL;DR : I found out my husband has had very explicit sexual conversations and intentions with men and he is out of town on a sex website that he frequented before we were together.