I (34F) have been married to my husband (36M) for 10 years. We have 3 kids 7F, M5 and M3. The last born is old enough for preschool so he’ll be going next month.
I’ve been a SAHM since our first was born. My husband is so verbally abusive; I never know what I’m going to do or say that’s going to set him off. I have so much anxiety when we have to go places together because I know no matter what I do, he’ll find a reason to be angry.
When our second-born was around a month, he forced us to move an isolated area with the nearest town being about 1 hour away. There are no shop, no parks for the kids and only one school. It’s so lonely here and I don’t have friends. The worst part is that I don’t drive and have been pleading with him for years to teach me, but he always has excuses. I can’t go anywhere; if I need anything in town, I have to wait until he has time. I feel like this not a normal way to treat a partner. He doesn’t help with the kids, but will act like the world’s best father. I feel like he expects me to be grateful because he provides the money. I feel like a servant.
I recently got a job. I specifically looked for a job back home so I can move back in with my mother along with my kids. Now that I got the job, my sister and extended family are telling me that I’m jerk for wanting to leave husband when he supported me financially all these years. The house we currently live in is dilapidated, I have never bought any clothes since I’ve been with my husband (even when I was pregnant), I don’t do my hair, nails and don’t buy anything beyond basic toiletries because that’s all he’ll provide. My mother understands my situation and supports me leaving, but my family is making me feel so horrible.
Even though he’s trying to make changes, I truly hate him. I feel like if I never confronted him about how he’s treated me he never would have changed; like he saw nothing wrong with how he treated me. Are there husbands who love their wives and treat them like this? I can’t explain how it affects you as a person to be locked up in a house in the middle of nowhere for years with small kids and only going out occasionally.